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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

I told my boyfriend to stop being friends with his ex b/c I’m uncomfortable. He told me he can’t stop being her friend ?

He told me they broke up in August because he caught her cheating. We met online and became official in December after talking since November. He showered me with a lot of attention and spends every weekend with me and we talk on the phone for 6 hours a day. But now he said he feels guilty ? I don’t know what to do. I feel uncomfortable with them being friends knowing they have a long winded history of being together for 10 years. Then they don’t have kids together and I found out that that they text everyday. He told me that they don’t talk about anything inappropriate just work tv shows and other miscellaneous things. Still though, that takes energy and time that we could be bonding.plus he didn’t even want to tell her that we were together and we’ve been together on and off since December. He claimed that he didn’t want want her in his BUISNESS because she can be very nosy. He told her he was dating multiple women. I’m still so mad he lied. Who cares about her being nosy. He should have man up and tell her the truth.. that we are in love. 

Update:

I feel like a piece of crap because I had to beg him and hound him to delete all the pictures he had on his Facebook of her. He finally did it but I shouldn’t have had to beg. And then he  doesn’t even have us tagged in a relationship. His profile is blank. 

Update 2:

His profile doesn’t even have a relationship listed anymore. He said Facebook will never know his BUISNESS or relationship anymore. We have tons of pictures together but he won’t post them. 

Update 3:

Our relationship has been very inconsistent and he gets angry easily. Hes been on and off with me because he said he was confused by his feelings. We are finally on for good now but i told him he has to cut her off 

Update 4:

I felt like last night would have been the perfect opportunity to tell her that she could no longer be in his life. She called him while he was at my house so I told him to put on her speak phone. I told him to tell her that he could no longer be in his life. He told her “ yes it’s disrespectful to my girlfriend so I’m going to have to stop being your friend I’m sorry.”

Update 5:

She started crying talking about how their friendship meant a lot to her and that they’ve known each other forever and it was hurting her. Why cry so much over a friend he’s just a friend so why all the tears?  Couple hours later he told me he can’t stop being her friend and he was mad at me for making him choose and barely spoke to me..

Update 6:

I feel like he tries to find ways for us to break up.. because about a month ago he got mad at me for something so small and stupid right before my surgery and was not there to stand by my side 

11 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    He is just not that into you because he is still wrapped up in her. Sorry. 

  • 1 month ago

    This is simple. Don't wait for him to do anything and don't try to control him. Set your boundaries! If it is unacceptable to you for him to talk to his ex then that is it. That is your stance on the subject. If he disagrees with you then you both are incompatible with each other. There is no need to fight or try to control each other. Set your boundaries and stick to them. If he needs to go in another direction then end the relationship. If he wants to be with you then he cannot speak with his ex. Tell him its his decision to make. Do not try to force him to do what you want anymore. Tell him you can't be with someone that is doing something they know is hurting you but chooses to keep doing it. In this instance he knows you don't want him talking to his ex but he keeps doing it. He's ignoring your feelings. And just to make it clear, its not wrong of you to set this boundary. He cannot have you and her at the same time. Don't let him make you feel wrong for wanting this. Its not unreasonable. 

  • 1 month ago

    LOl you talk on the phone for 6 hours a day?  that's hilarious.  I'd no sooner talk to some guy for six hours a day than sprout wings and fly to the moon.  Don't you two work for a living or are you a teen ?  Seems like you're about 14.

    And why would you tell your boyfriend to stop texting his ex?  Are you his life coach or what?  Or mommy?  

    He's pulling the wool over your eyes, or you're just gullible. You're obviously The Rebound Girl and he's still emotionally attached to the ex.  

  • 1 month ago

    sounds like a very unhealthy and immature relationship from the start. I was in one for 13 years and was similar, he was on and off with me until we got married, it got worse. we divorced 8 years later and i regret putting up with all this and begging and making it work not worth it

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  • d j
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    When he mentioned, that he's dating multiple women, I suppose that message/warning was meant for you.

    What to do with this statement is up to you.

  • 1 month ago

    He's on the phone with you 6 hours a day, txting his ex every day... does he work? Have a hobby or interest or talent? Any family? Who IS this guy and what does he do? What do YOU do that you have 6 hours a day to be on the phone and are free all weekend every weekend? What kinds of lives are you living? How can you be "official" since December and also "on and off since December"? Have you thought about the fact that, in real time, you two have dated less than 3 months and you telling him what he can and can not do might not be appropriate? What is appropriate is that you are living and looking and listening and learning. That is what is going on. If you don't like who he is and what he does... then don't call him your boyfriend anymore. 

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    PEOPLE: stop feeding this troll -- 

    they post endless variations of 

    this story, and have been doing 

    so FOREVER. They have some 

    kind of mental issue, or have who 

    knows what else going on. 

    Complete. Waste. Of. Time. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Here is the way I see it:

    1 - You talk 6 hours a day on the phone?  You must be bored, needy and insecure;

    2 - He is on and off with you.  That isn't inconsistent.  That is "this is going nowhere;"

    3 - YOU felt last night he should have told his ex that she could no longer be in his life.  Seriously?;

    4 - You had surgery and was "missing in action?"  Seriously?;

    5 - YOU think his contact with his ex is disrespectful to you?  What YOU think is immaterial.  What HE thinks is what matters;

    6 - He should have told his ex that "we" are in love?  It appears that YOU are in love;

    7 - You sound insecure, immature and demanding;

    8 - My husband has an ex WIFE, and they partner their children TOGETHER, and I have no jealousy issues.  Try therapy.

  • enn
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    I do not see why you would want him "off and on". If he treats you as "off and on", he really does not want to commit full-time, now, does he. In some ways I see this as a "big sister/little sister" situation, where the ex was the big sister and you are the little sister. Big sister has the 10 years of history with him and training him on how to be in a relationship, now he is turning to YOU the little sister almost expecting you to be just like "big sister" only you won't cheat on him like she did ???? And YOU are NOT his therapist, either! He has 10 years of baggage dragging him down! I would suggest you sit down and explain to him you are 1) not the same as his ex, and not the "next best thing since his ex", 2) You are not a therapist to deal with his baggage of his ex betraying him, and 3) He needs to work himself out before you can commit -- to HIM! It takes TWO to make a "relationship". He is coming around to YOU to make it all better from the hurt he feels from his ex betraying him. He is coming around to YOU to be just like his ex only minus you cheating on him. He is coming around to YOU because he can't figure HIMSELF out. That would be three good reasons to cool it for a while and find out if there is someone out there who won't treat you AT  ALL like "Second best'". Think twice before keeping this one. Seriously.

  • OTTO
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    My ex wife tore up photos of my ex girlfriend. We had a bad relationship that ended in divorce. Could be yours is headed the same direction.

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