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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Everyone is pressuring me into a child, including my husband.?

We've been married for 3 years and I don't want to have a child just yet. My husband has always wasted children and I will have children some day because I want them too. I'm only 25 and I married young, I don't want to have kids just yet. I want to wait till I'm at least 29 for that. I've always wanted kids but never this early. We discussed this before marriage and I was too in love to think right. I still love him but he's been pressuring me as well because its what he wanted after marriage. We argued about it a lot before. He keeps telling me that he's waited 3 years and its enough time but I don't feel ready for it yet. I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility. His family is the worst because they want me to have kids more than he does. His sisters and brother keep coming and asking me when I'm going to carry a baby. They all think I have fertility issues and they keep telling him to take me to a doctor. I take birth control behind my husband's back and I'm even pretending to have fertility issues so he can stop pressuring me. He won't allow me to get birth control but I still get them behind his back. He goes through my closet but I've hid them somewhere where he will never find them. He forces unprotected sex on me and tells me that I must give him a child because that's what he wants and his family wants. He stopped being kind and loving like he use to be and now treats me like nothing because he thinks I can't bear a child. I don't know what to do. 

Update:

Anyone have opinions on this? Is this abuse? Am I the one in the wrong?

37 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    "My husband has always wasted children":  please tell me how.  No, on 2d thought.  

    Mixed feelings.  Im homo/ gay and my gift to world is no children.  We are not underpopulated.

    Nevertheless, if children should be born, better when mother is younger than older.  Chrono speaking, what's wrong with "only 25"?

    I fully understand your husband's impatience at not being a father yet, and yet, being a parent does require responsibility.

    I understand your reasoning for BCP, but careful: I doubt its the long term solution.  Having a respectful, adult conversation (with a therapist?) is.  

    Source(s): No Kidding! - Home www.nokidding.net https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/007460.htm
  • 1 month ago

    I am very sorry that you are going through this but this is not a healthy relationship, he should not be pressuring you into anything, nor not allowing you to have birth control, nor forcing anything on you. Please end this relationship and find a man who is truly worthy of your love and of you carrying his children when you are ready. 

  • L
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    If you really want to stay in this marriage............do NOT do anything behind his back.  This is NOT abuse!  You two need to sit down and discuss this.............

  • 1 month ago

    Wow, he basically rapes you to try to i mpregnate you? He wants you to have a rape-child? Just Wow, that is disturbing.

    Your marriage is in serioustrouble anda baby is not going to be a band-aid to make it all better. He will want another child soon enough ... more raping.

    Honestly, I'd leave that bastard. You are in an abusive and an unauthentic marriage. He rapes, you lie ( about birth control and fertility). What the hell kind of marriage is THAT?

    You obviously have a complete and total communication fail because there is no compromise on when to have children. He wants a child NOW,  you want to wait 4 years. Why not settle for 2 years from now? 

    Again, I would NEVER stay with a man- child who rapes me. Where the hell is your self worth? The guy isolates you from your family, he abuses you, his family is just as bad. BREAK AWAY fromthat horribleness and find a man who respects you!

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  • 1 month ago

    You're not wrong, and he's not wrong. (depending on what you mean by forcing unprotected sex). does he wear a condom, then take it off in hopes of impregnating's you. or do you feel pressured and give in to having sex with him. if it's the former, then you should file  divorce and call cops .  if it's the latter, couple's counseling.  you guys have diffrent expectation. also if you don't want kids yet, go to the obgyn  and get a IUD. then tell him you got an IUD. 

  • 1 month ago

    Wow you need to LEAVE this person! This person DOES NOT LOVE YOU! He only loves what he can get from you and the mere fact that you are here asking this question to strangers tells me this is serious and that this is an emergency! Your husband doesn't sound like a good husband going through your stuff and being controlling with how you want to live your life. I think it's pretty disrespectful of him to force himself on you and force his values and priorities above yours! Either he needs to change and be nicer (which I doubt will happen) or you need to LEAVE before he does impregnant you and you could be STUCK with an as$ hole like him! He honestly doesn't sound like he cares for you and your feelings because if he did, you wouldn't have cried for help like this to strangers on the internet! 

  • ?
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    You need to get marriage counseling. What you describe is a big mess. Things may or may not be salvageable. Yes you are in the wrong, from what you describe the same can be said for your husband also. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    you are either totally messed up and not in touch with realty or working a fiction book story (real boring one) 

    all the people saying he is abusive and controlling ... fail to see the holes in your scenario 

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    The LEGAL answer is - if you lied to him about your intentions/plans when you married him he has legal grounds for divorce.  The grounds would be "fraud" or "fraudulent representations."  If you are in a marriage which involves lying and forced sex, then YOU need to file for a divorce.  You are both wrong.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You get the h*ll out of there and file for divorce.  He's an abusive control freak who has raped you.  Imagine what he would do to a child.

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