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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Should I disconnect myself from husbands family?

My husbands mother hates me, she always has for no reason. Me and my husband have a 2 year old son and a 7 year old daughter who is not biologically mine but she might as well be. She is from my husbands previous marriage but she left when our daughter was 3. My husbands mom has always favored our daughter, buys her clothes, new toys and always asks her to sleep over. But NEVER invites my son or buys him anything. Even on his birthday she bought our daughter the exact same gifts. I’ve confronted her about it and she always just tells me to be grateful. She offered to plan my baby shower but refused to invite my side of the family and when I invited my side myself, she uninvited all of my husbands side of the family. She always talks down to my husband and says we aren’t good enough parents for our children. I want to not have contact with them anymore except for birthday and family celebrations. I cannot stand them anymore. But then again I feel like I should because of the kids? They always try to get us to come over but I’m over the constant negativity. All I hear everyday in my head even after weeks of not seeing them is there constant criticism. What should I do? Disconnect and let my husband take them over there or just deal with being put down constantly for sake of my children? 

9 Answers

  • T J
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Do what makes you the most happiest.

  • 2 months ago

    Do you remember how many gifts you got on your 2nd birthday and who gave them to you? I ask because while you were clearly insulted at how "unspecial" you think your son is being treated because your inlaws gave your daughter gifts as well as your son on his birthday.... he would ONLY care if you were busy teaching him it wasn't right and it wasn't fair. Otherwise? He'd not have a clue. So it's not actually about your son at all. He was celebrated and given gifts. It's about you hating your MIL. Let your husband take the kids to visit their grandparents if you don't want to go. Don't steal their relatives out of their lives. 

  • 2 months ago

    The kids will do better without a toxic person who HATES YOU in their lives than by being forced to be in that person's range. Who knows what she is saying to your daughter when she has her over? Look for a change in attitude when she comes home from there. That might be a clue for you that this isn't good for her. 

  • 2 months ago

    Would you and she be willing to sit down with a trained, licensed counselor to work out your differences, for the sake of the children and peace? If not, you can still make it clear to her that you expect, at the very least, that she will treat both children equally. Since its your husband's mother, he really needs to take a supportive stand with you, instead of avoiding things, being caught in the middle, etc. he owes it to you and the children .

    And if nothing else works, a last resort might well be for you and he to move away, far, far away ! Good luck,

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  • 2 months ago

    It can get really messy when parents get involved. I would talk to your husband and ask why HE is not standing up for you. It's not about choosing sides, but there does have to be respect. I'm sure you would stand up for your husband if your family started getting out of line. Why is he allowing this type of behavior? 

    I would also confront his mother as to what her deal is in a mature, polite way. If she continues to act the way she does, then at that point I would start distancing myself from that side of the family. 

    It's also tricky with the kids because at one point your son will start to see that he gets treated differently than his sister, which could possibly hinder his self-esteem and grow up to be insecure. 

    I honestly would talk to your husband about this and figure out what you are going to do as a family. 

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    If you're divorcing and giving your husband complete custody of both kids then disconnecting from her entirely might be an option. But if you plan to stay married to her son and intend to continue raising her grandchildren the best you can do is try to put your spouse between her and yourself to the degree possible without you coming off as a b*tch. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Sounds like your husband will be moving on to marriage #3 sooner than he realizes. How bad was his mother to the previous wife for her to completely leave the kid behind lol. People like that mother are part of the reason why I decided to stay single.

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Mom may be the reason why he is on 

    marriage #2. I am also wondering what 

    you husband has to say about all this? 

    Why has he not stood up to his family 

    about HIS family? 

  • ?
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    The question is why does she dislike you? You can not disconnect because at the end of the day she is your husbands mother. So unless he dislikes her then you cannot cut her of. You can however avoid her as much as possible without it being obvious. Really your husband needs to be the one to deal with this because he is independent of both of you.

    I find it interesting you say she has no reason but there is a reason for everything logical or not. It may be nothing you've ever done and just from her past or previous experiences. Perhaps no one will ever be good enough for her son. However given you have kids you should both be making more of an effort to like each other.

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