Is it worth ending our marriage of 5 years?

A little background story- my husband and I met online in 2013 on a chatroom. Neither of us had the intention of finding love. It just happened. 

He's American and I'm from the Caribbean. I moved to the US in 2015 and we got married Feb 2016.

Things have always been shaky between us. We're always hot and then cold. Started with cultural differences and I think he had preference for another culture at first, but we eventually worked it out and now he likes my cuisine, music and so on. 

But instead of things being better, it's just gotten worse. We both work full time and he literally watches me do all the cooking and cleaning at home without ever offering me any help. He just sits there on the sofa all day long. We have no kids but yet I always feel overworked and exhausted having to come home to more work. I am constantly behind him telling him that he needs to clean this and that and it gets on his nerves too. At the end of the day I have no sex drive. I have no feelings to lay with him after scrubbing his pee marks off toilet. Also we split all bills equally in half like roommates. Doesn't feel like husband and wife. He is also not kind towards my family. He would never offer them anything even thought I've given his family lots of things.

I want to leave because I'm still young and don't want to be miserable everyday, but then another part of me keeps saying "oh, he's not so bad" and I also feel so sad to leave him since we've invested so much time in each other. 

11 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Marriage counseling would probably help. Sounds like you're inflicting your culture on him and he's passive-aggressively responding by letting you work yourself to the bone. Maybe try just not cooking dinner once in a while to see if he'll rise to the occasion and make himself a sandwich. But ultimately you'll probably need a professional to help you learn to communicate with each other. 

  • boj
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Its not worth ending before trying to fix the issues. Sorry but there are still many many men who feel that a woman should take care of the home regardless of her working and paying bills. You guys need to take about your issues and or seek marriage counseling. You cant reach a happy compromise without discussing it with him first or by throwing in the towel. If you cant work it out at least you can leave with a guilt free conscious knowing you did all you could to fix it.

  • 1 month ago

    This is your 1,309th answer, Reeta ! This leads me to suspect that you may just be making this up for entertainment value. Right?

    On the chance that you are asking a genuine question, I would ask you, in return, to consider not just the five years you've been married, (?), but the following forty years or so you would still be married to this man and whether you could live the way you do.

    There's always marriage counseling, if you want to say you've tried everything, before deciding what you will do. Good luck, though, I don't see much motivation on his part. He may get serious about change, if he sees you are determined to leave if he doesn't. But typically, by that time, its too late and the decision has been made.

    Now: are you REALLY seeking advice for this???!

  • 1 month ago

    Yes, marriage sucks, but keep in mind if you leave that dude and find another guy it could be the same thing or worse. I'm not in the best of marriages myself but I have no guarantee if I leave her the next one would be the same.

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  • 1 month ago

    Good luck finding a spouse that cleans his own pee marks off the toilet! 

  • 1 month ago

    Have you tried having an adult conversation with him about the division of labour & chores in the house?

    You're both adults presumably; so you need to communicate.

  • 1 month ago

    Let him know how you feel and see if he's willing to work on the problems.  Its amazing how may people don't know there's a problem because of lack of communication.  If that doesn't work, then yes, its time to divorce and move on with your life. You deserve to seek happiness. Don't let familiarity or fear of change be the only reason you stay together. 

  • Murzy
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You are not getting any younger and you deserve to be happy.

  • 1 month ago

    thats up to you

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    If you want to leave then do it. Though have you asked him to help with the cooking and the cleaning around the house ? And the way he feels about your family?

     Communication is needed but comprehension is EVERYTHING. So if you have communicated and he doesn’t seem to soak it all in and change things , you may want to end it .

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