How do I stop a girlfriend from nagging?

My girlfriend is in a constant state of nagging.  She wakes up every morning angry at me. No matter what I do to help with our baby or to help with cleaning or whatever, I'm not doing it right according to her.  I woke up early to take care of our baby so she could sleep in.  I went down stairs and let my dogs out first so they would stop barking.  She accused me of caring about my dogs more than our baby for doing that.  She complained that I did not use the right kind of bottle to put his formula in and I should have used the newer ones.  When I try to help with dishes she yells that I'm not being helpful and that I should go help with the baby.  Then she yells that I never help with dishes.  Then I do the dishes and she yells that I don't clean them good enough.  I put away the groceries only to have her yell that I didn't do it right and she has to pull everything out and put them all away again.  She complains about not having enough money so I started sending her money every day.  She complained that it wasn't enough and called it "crumbs".  This is my life Every single minute of every single day.  I try to talk to her about it and just ask if we can be more positive and focus on the good things and enjoy our child and our relationship and life.  But no, this is how she wants to live.  What the heck can I do?  I don't want to live like this.  I love her and our son but literally the topic of every single conversation is how I can't do anything right.  

Update:

We have a kid.  She lives in my house.  She does not have a job and completely relies on me financially.  She has no friends or family she could move in with.  Breaking up is much easier said than done.  

12 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    This is NOT "how she wants to live". She's clearly stressed but when you have a baby that's totally and absolutely the normal response. So either find a way to communicate better with her or get yourselves into some couples counseling. You've chosen to bring another life into the world so breaking up is not an option. Make it work for the sake of your kid. Yes, when you have a small child that does cut into every other aspect of your life. Someone should have mentioned this to you before you decided to become a parent. 

  • 1 month ago

    This sounds just like my parents.. they have been married 35 years and my mum still treats my dad like that cause she’s a bitter, insecure person. For my brother and I, being raised in this kind of home and seeing this on a daily basis, having my mum treat me the same but not him... it f*cked us up emotionally and leading on to adult hood we’re both still scarred but have mostly overcome it. So I know you say breaking up is easier said than done, but raising a child around this type of emotional abuse is just going to hurt him/her for years. So either stay in a miserable relationship and ruin your kids happiness, or end it and co parent but find your own happiness 

  • 1 month ago

    While this won't solve all of your problems, it will help with some of them and it is centered around how you communicate with each other.  

    You feel you never do anything right because she tells you that.  Next time ask her to show you what her idea of a good job is like and ask her to be a little flexible with her expectations too.  People often have very different views about household cleanliness standards and if she's a perfectionist, nothing you do will EVER be right (but that's a whole other discussion).  

    If she's not working outside of the home, it may be difficult for her to always have to ask for money especially if you are only doling out small amounts at a time.  Sit down together and create a budget for your money.  Figure out how much money she can spend and have access to and then both of you make sure to live within this budget.  Make sure it feels fair to both of you.  

    Set up some planned time when each of you can have time away to relax or just do a hobby or whatever, to take care of yourselves.  When you invest time in yourself, rejuvenate, you have more energy to give back to your family.

    Good luck!  

  • T J
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You stopit, by breaking up. she is not going to change, if anything she will get worse.

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  • 1 month ago

    "We have a kid". So act like an F'n parent. And if that means to your GF, then that means to your GF. 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    maybe shes going thru postpardem depression

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Frogurt, your question includes a telltale word that might be part of the reason she nags. You're not accepting responsibility for parenting as a full partner, but *helping*. It's all on her, with assistance when and if you choose to offer it.

    As a former stay-home mom, I guarantee you she's working harder than you are working a job full-time. No question. It was a lot like one eighty-hour week after another, only the jobs never, ever get done. I was sleep deprived and cross for a decade or so, running on coffee and calories, and crying the most I ever did in my whole life. I had no friends at the time, and no time for friends.

    You also may be doing something too many men do, a sort of purposeful incompetence where you do a task without meeting reasonable standards. He sweeps the kitchen, but he misses a lot. He washes dishes, but they're not really clean, like that. It's utterly maddening, because the guy's convinced he helped and wants credit for it, yet everything he did has to be carefully checked and often done over again.

    I theorize she's also feeling isolated as well as overburdened with keeping house and raising a baby. I urge you to step up twice a week at a minimum, one evening and one weekend afternoon, taking over completely on the baby and doing some housework while she gets out of the house and has a life of her own (as COVID allows where you live). She needs a chance to make friends, pursue interests, and otherwise be whole.

  • T C
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If what you wrote is true …And I mean that is a genuine way, because there are always two sides. But I will answer ….accepting that what you say is truth….

    The first thing that came to mind with a relatively new child is Postpartum depression…to which, there is a long list of symptoms.  As the name implies depression is mainly the underline symptom that has a slew of subcategories. How one manifests PPD can vary by individual…..

    I am not saying that is it ….but it is obvious from what you wrote she is not happy, which means everything you do…. is and will be wrong.

    DON’T go asking her or talking to her about this…not yet anyway ….because she doesn’t know what or why she is acting like this…..She just thinks…it’s you.

    So do some research ….and cover your tracks so she doesn’t see what you are searching. Then maybe check with a TelaDoc to see what could be done…

  • 1 month ago

    So you do all those things, but what does she contribute? She MUST invest in the relationship in some way or she will simply never respect you. She sees you as a doormat. Stop calling her your girlfriend. She's not your girlfriend, at least not in her eyes. Regardless of whether you're in a marriage or relationship or have a kid, you need to be willing to walk away at a moment's notice and be willing to lose everything. You never had the power to do that, and she recognized that and took full advantage of it. She knew no matter what she did you weren't leaving, so she was okay with showing your her true nature. This woman has absolutely no respect for you in any way. She can't stand you. If that's her situation, you're going to have to give her an ultimatum, take care of these damn kids while I go out and make this money, and if you can't do that, you got 90 days to find a job and a place to live. Now of course once you do this, she'll manipulate you into letting her stay. Women are the masters of manipulation. It's probably not even going to be possible for an average joe beta male like yourself to break this manipulation, but if you take the red pill and are willing to learn, you'll be able to do it.

  • Murzy
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Quote John Melloncamp, "I wanna lover that won't drive me crazy". It's time to move on.

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