Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

My guy friend tells me i'm getting played by my boyfriend and that i need to dump him. Do you think my boyfriend sounds shady?

My boyfriend is 37. He has three kids by two baby mamas. He lives with his grandmother and works as a PCA making $960 every two weeks.I've been going crazy over whether or not i should stay in this relationship or try to fight harder.  First of all, I felt like he has always had one foot in the relationship and one foot out. He says he loves me one week and the next week he's irritable and angry with me. we've been together five years and i cannot even count how many times he's threatened to leave me.  A lot of time he will be like " I can't do this anymore. You need a more passive man like your dad." My dad isn't a pushover but he's kind and he doesn't have raging anger every two weeks. my boyfriend is sort of a closed book.. he hides his emotions a lot..  He's not the kind of man to go on about how he's feeling but i've asked him multiple times if he was depressed and he said he isn't. I tried to rule out any mental illnesses like depression and bipolar and he said he doesn't have either of that. The first year we were together he was totally smitten and in love with me and always showed me off and bragged on me to everyone. but even in the first year we were together he seemed controlling and accused me of cheating on him ( i have never cheated but i've had two women come to me and said that he was cheating the first year we were together). He hasnt accused me of cheating since then and he doesn't get onto me about what i wear anymore so i guess that's an improvement.

Update:

How can a person say im their world and that they are so in love with me and motivated by me and then the next day be so irritable and angry and threaten to break up. and it's never over anything major. it's always over small stuff like him getting mad that i told him about a bad dream i had had him furious

Update 2:

every time he breaks with me he runs to his baby mama and has sex with her.  like the same day he breaks up with me. He tells me he feels bad about doing that to me but if he feels bad why keep doing it. I begged him to tell me if he loves her just be honest. he say he promises he doesn't love her she is just familar and good at sex

Update 3:

i been venting to my guy friend and my guy friend said i'm getting played and that my boyfriend is defintely in love with the mother of his kids and that he's lying to me. My friend said " this is why he likes you so much because you are his fool.  you are letting him treat you like a revolving door."

Update 4:

I told my guy friend my boyfriend wants to marry me and my guy friend " trust me he isn't going to marry you. he acts like he's not even into you. once again. you're feeding into his lies."

Update 5:

When we spend time together I always feel like it's rushed but before he used to smother me with attention and spend every waking moment with me. Now he says stuff like " I can only be over for an hour" and he's always mentioning other stuff he got to do while we spending time and it ruins the mood

6 Answers

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  • T J
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Break up...he is not serious about you.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    This guy is obviously a hot mess but perhaps you are too and it's a good match for that reason. So let's be practical. He's got child support obligations to three kids and earns less than half the national average. So based on the average rental cost in the US you'd have to earn at least $43,200 to have any kind of normal life with this guy (add $13,888 per annum for each child you hope to have). So unless you earn that or in the near future will have the capacity to earn that there's no way for you and this guy to be together in any meaningful way. No, moving in with his grandmother isn't conducive to a decent relationship. 

  • 1 month ago

    Strike one:   He has children out of wedlock by multiple partners

    Strike two:   "irritable and angry"

    Strike three: Runs hot and cold about relationship with you

    Strike four:   Threatens to leave you

    Strike five:    Five year relationship with no marriage plans

    Strike six:     Poor earner, cannot fully support himself

    Strike seven:Controlling and paranoid about you "cheating"

    Strike eight:  Limiits time with you (a good thing)

    So what is there not to love?!!!

    Come in out of the rain! 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    This belongs in Singles & Dating.  You're welcome.

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  • i + i
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    How many times are you going to rant 

    about this? What answer do you want 

    us to give you so that you will move on 

    and stop pestering us with nonsense? 

    You won't listen to your guy friend, you 

    won't listen to us, so... 

    WHY KEEP DOING THIS?

  • 1 month ago

    You may be asking this question because you want someone to tell you "He's bad. Leave him." But you also know that there's some good that comes with him and some fear that comes from leaving him. You have to weigh the good and the bad. 

    I suggest you sit down and grab a piece of paper - because physically writing allows you to think in ways that pure thought does not. Split the paper into two columns labelled "good" and "bad" and write down the good and bad that comes from dating him. 

    Then ask yourself what you want out of the relationship and write that down at the bottom of the paper. Do you want marriage? Kids? Or just a good time? Then compare that to the "good" and the "bad" and ask yourself "Does this guy want what I want or not?"

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