Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Should I leave my relationship?

Been in this relationship for 8 going on 9 yrs I entered the relationship with a child who was about 4 at the time. We stayed in separate households for the first 5 years then I found out I was pregnant and we decided to move in together after 5 years of being in a relationship. This is when everything started to change. after I became pregnant his behavior changed he became verbally abusive, aggressive, yells at me in front of the kids we have little to no sex, no emotional support and I tried to sit down and talk it out but he never wants to talk. Since this behavior started after I got pregnant I told him I wanted to get an abortion cuz of the state of our relationship then he begged me to keep the baby. So i did and now we have two kids together but a total of 3 kids. He has always worked very long hours but he comes home from work watches TV and looks at his phone. He spends time with the kids sometimes. At this point seems like he's nice to everybody but me. I feel like he takes all his anger out on me for some reason and the behavior that started when I moved in is still happening. He makes a lot of money. And I feel like the more money he makes the worst his attitude becomes. I pay all of my own bills an half of the bills for the house I'm also the one doin the cleaning, taking care of the kids and making dinner.

I think he doesn't know how to love me and I'm just here to serve and I'm getting nothing in return no compliments, no how is your day, no sex no respect. 

3 Answers

  • blank
    Lv 6
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    Oh boy - if any couple ever needed couples counseling it has to be you two.  Strongly suggest to your BF that you go together, if not, go without him.  At least one of you needs to learn, from a professional, about the deeper causes of what is going on.

    Everyone on here can only guess:  could it be he feels like he was trapped?  IT certainly sounds like he may be blaming, if not resenting you, for "getting pregnant."  (note:  unfair, since he was half the issue each time).  

    Counseling will help you two work through this if you both actively participate honestly and openly.  IF he won't go, then at least you will gain some profesional insight into what might be going on and receive support in rebuilding your confidence (if you need it).

    IF you realize during the course of counseling that leaving is the only way to go, then you need to take steps to protect your kids (the two that are his) by speaking to an attorney to make sure he will be meeting his responsibilites to them.   Do that before moving out and on.

    I do wish you the best of luck and hope this works out where you can stay, keep the "family" together - but receive the respect, love and support you deserve.

  • 1 month ago

    From what you wrote, it appears that you both got very comfortable with living separately in your own routines and moving in did not went well.

    Perhaps sit down and draw a quick picture of your life today as it is and then draw a life you both would feel happy about as a couple.

    Remember, best lovers smile in the morning and kiss each other. What you do after sprouts from there and caries through the day.

    Small positive habits produce big positive results. 

    Negative habits - negative results. 

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You are your children's example of a wife, he their example of a husband and

     your marriage their model of a marriage. You might wish to have a serious (non blaming) discussion about this with him. And also how you see your future each of you. Criticising each other will NOT help your children, even assuming they won't be there.

    I recommend that you see a lawyer, because your marriage seems very much near an end, doesn't it? You may even be able to get him to move out as you will be the one caring for the children, one assumes. Obviously we do not know the laws wherever it is you live.

    Your children deserve happy parents who will give them the love and security they deserve, and they may well get that more if you are apart than together. 

    Good Luck!

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