Should I dorm with my best friend in college?

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  • 2 months ago

    Depends on a lot of things:

    1. Are you compatible in terms of lifestyle? The fastest way to ruin a perfectly good friendship is to live with someone who has very different sleep schedule, cleaning, and other habits.

    2. Since your BFF is already going to be at the same school, why not expand your experience by rooming with someone else?  

    In the U.S., roommate assignments are only for a year, so the commitment either way isn't a permanent arrangement.  If you are attending college in another country where the situation is different, you do need to consider a bit more about what you might want in a year or two.  

  • 2 months ago

    Not if you want to stay best friends.

    Seriously, though, there are two issues:

    1. Will you be as eager to make new friends if you always have your best friend as a fall-back?

    2. Are you compatible as roommates?

    1. If you don't know your roommate, you're sort of "thrown into the deep end"; you need to get out and meet new people. It's a little uncomfortable, but you end up making a lot of friends. 

    If you room with your best friend, you may rely on each other too much and not make so many friends. If you always have someone to go to the cafeteria with, you're not going to go up to a relative stranger and ask them to join you for dinner. But that's how you meet people and make friends freshman year. 

    Or, you'll vow not to rely on each other and to put yourselves out there. Then what will happen is that one of you will do this easily, while the other will struggle more. The outgoing one will get mad at the introverted one for being so cling-y, the introverted one will get mad at the outgoing one for not including her more, and you'll both end up hating each other. 

    2. I've got a lot of friends that I love but who I'd never live with. They're messy or dirty, they cook smelly foods in the microwave, they never vacuum or clean the toilets, they stay up until all hours at night, they blast their music, etc. Even a matter of keeping the room too hot or too cold can cause a rift. 

    I'm not suggesting that you'll be more compatible with a stranger for a roommate, but the thing is, you don't have to be friends with your roommate. Best friends as roommates often don't stay best friends, because they aren't compatible as roommates and resent each other.

    If this is not your first year in college, you'll be beyond the #1 stage, and you'll have a good idea of your habits regarding #2. So you can discuss with your friend whether rooming together will work out. Don't whitewash yourself in the discussion; be very frank, and encourage them to be frank too. 

    If this is your first year in college, however, #1 will be an issue, and you really don't have any idea about #2. You might *think* you're very clean and studious, but your mother's been breathing down your neck to date; you have no idea what you'll be like once on your own. So I'd advise against rooming with a good friend. 

    If the mere act of refusing to room with her will dissolve the friendship anyway, though, you might as well room with her, as long as you're careful to be the one to put yourself out there and make new friends. The worst that will happen is that rooming together will dissolve the friendship, but that would have happened anyway. 

    Personally, I mostly roomed with strangers. All but one worked out fine; we became friendly but never best friends. The one was a disaster: we both said we stayed up late, but it turned out to mean a different thing to each of us. I meant I was up to 1:30 AM or so (weekdays), then went to bed around 2:00 AM. To her it meant she got home around 2:30 AM, then started cooking her dinner. Then she'd be mad at me when I came home during the day, because she was trying to sleep. 

    The one time I did end up rooming (actually sharing an apartment) with a friend worked out really well, and we ended up becoming better friends over the year. But it was our last year, so we knew our study and living habits, and we went over our compatibility very carefully before we agreed to share the apartment. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Sure.  I did and it worked out great.  We were totally compatible.

  • 2 months ago

    You can, but before you jump into that, make sure you both sit down and have a real, strong heart-to-heart about what each of you are like to life with and what you would be expecting of each other for the year. It may sound pointless as most people will say that they know their bestie like they know themselves, but until you actually live with that person, you DON'T know them. Make sure you are completely on board with each other's wishes and expectations regarding everything from who uses the shower at what time, to munching on the other's snacks, and everything in between. Have your room rules written so that they are a reminder of what you both decided on and it really wouldn't hurt to have a 'meeting' once a week or so, just to touch base with each other and make sure there are no issues that need to be discussed. 

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  • DON W
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    The colleges discourage it, encouraging you to have a random match.

    I remember my freshman year with a random match: it was pretty bad.  I wish there was someone I actually knew and liked who was my roommate.

    I've heard the same from others.

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