Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

Why won’t my mom (48) get a job? She hasn’t worked since last Christmas, I had to cover her mortgage for couple of months earlier this year?

She has never had a full time job and stopped working year round when I was about 10. Earlier this year I moved back in with her briefly to help her avoid foreclosure, and my parents and sister made it sound as if I were the one in financial trouble (which I find offensive as I was the only person with a job out of 4 adults).  My dad absolutely refuses to acknowledge my financial support, and if I bring it up my parents act like I’m an entitled brat and insist that my help is insignificant and that they don’t need me (which they do if they don’t want to be homeless)

Update:

They had been foreclosed on and evicted in the past, so they have a history of instability 

Update 2:

No medical concerns that I know of, she just stops going to work and spends the days crafting and watching tv

14 Answers

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    maybe you should ask her this question

  • Orla C
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    This is financial abuse on their part. AND your father and other relatives are gaslighting you, belittling your contributions when in fact you are helping them stay solvent.

    My advice: cut all ties, make sure there's no documentation that makes them think they are entitled to your earnings, take your name off all leases, and do not give them access to any of your financial information, like bank account numbers, credit cards, etc. 

    And move away and don't let them know where you are. Change your name if you need to. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    This is kind of confusing.  Parts of it sound like your mom and dad don't live together, and parts sound like they do.  It matters, because if they live together, why isn't your dad paying the mortgage?  If he can't, why is this your problem?

    All I can tell you is you're enabling them (or at least mom).  You're well intended, of course, but she's not likely to work knowing she has a safety net, meaning you.  The money you've given her could and should have been saved up so you can get out on your own.

    I suggest you do this quickly, like finding a room in a shared home.  These are cheap, fun and easy to get into.  Your mom is taking advantage of you, and you need to see this.  Also, don't get involved in pissing contests with them about whether or not they acknowledge your help.  The much bigger issue is you shouldn't be giving it to them in the 1st place.  Without you serving as a safety net, they'll figure out quickly how to pay that mortgage.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

     You’ll need to be assertive in fighting for yourself zxjq

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  • 2 months ago

    So, taking your family out of the picture here, you have two choices: continue to support them, or move out and build your own life. You aren't responsible for them, they are telling you that they don't need your support, so stop giving  it. 

  • 2 months ago

    My question is why are you enabling them?

    If your Mom wants to act immature, let her, but along with that comes consequences. 

  • Carmen
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Hello concerned one are their medical reasons why she hasn’t worked off and on? You did your best to help honor your parents so continue to be peaceable and respectful and take your leave if applicable. Everyone is accountable for their own decisions and actions. 

  • 2 months ago

    As long as you help them the way you are, you are enabling them. Stop helping them, and my guess is that they will figure out how to help themselves. 

  • 2 months ago

    It is understandable that yoU are annoyed . Ofcourse it’s not a big deal to help out  if you can. They Are your parents and it is lovely if you can do that. It is annoying that you are the only one with a job. Admittedly, jobs are not always easy to get, especially when you get older, like your mother. Usually women have given up career and education to look after a family.  By the time children have grown up the skills they had are out of date, or they have minimal qualifications to get any decent paying job. That is the reality. If you have a very good paying job and you can help out , it is very commendable . I suppose sometimes family member don’t want to seem to be too great-full because It shows them up lacking. They may quietly be embarrassed that they can’t help out and don’t want to admit it, so they don’t say anything. If it is getting too much for you, you should definitely speak up. In a kind way you can say that the cost is too high and that you struggle to make your own payments. When money is involved , things often become tense and people can become unreasonable. Try to understand their position and support them. There may be a time that you need your family too, you never know. Things, these days can change overnight . Don’t expect too much praise and you won’t be disappointed . Help out because you are a nice person, which you are. If they act ungrateful , it is a sad thing but you can’t change how people react. Being good towards Family proves that you have a lovely character. But be reasonable and don’t give beyond your means. https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/family/

  • *****
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    We're not psychic! The only person who can tell you why she doesn't want to work, or can't work, is your mother. What about the other adults in the family? Why aren't they also working? If they aren't appreciative of your help, and insist they don't need you, then you simply stop helping them. You don't have any obligation to help people who don't want to be helped, aren't grateful for your help, and aren't taking any steps to help themselves, family or not. 

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