Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

I feel like it'll be 6 years down the drain but boyfriend is seriously starting to treat me like crap. Should I cut the cord and move on?

I just feel like since I'm 31 I really don't want to go back to the dating scene - at all; but my boyfriend has taken a complete 180 with his attitude and has been treating me like garbage since the beginning of this month.

I try to get him to talk to me, but every time I try to reconnect with him, he puts the blame on me and says things like everything that is happening is my fault. I'm just thinking "Dude, I don't know what the f*ck your problem is, but this is me trying to fix it. Honestly, you aren't doing jack sh*t besides ruining your day and mine". 

I said this to him 2 days ago. He completely lost it and stormed out of the apartment. Honestly, I'm not even sure I want him to come back. A close friend suggested I change the locks just to see his reaction and I'm actually really tempted to do this, given all the crap I've put up with this past month alone.

What I don't understand is that he was never like this before. Throughout our entire relationship he has shown no signs of mental illness or anything like that. So I don't know where this is coming from. All I know is I'm feeling pretty damned drained for feeling like "everything is my fault" as he has told me quite frequently these past few weeks.

He's done this a few times. He'll leave for a few days and then he'll come back. I'm not dumb and I know chances are he's sleeping with another woman (or man, who knows anymore) and I'm just fed up. He just won't admit it to me but I think the answer already there.

11 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

    It'll be 7 years wasted if you don't cut this off now and move on

  • 2 months ago

    Best to go your separate ways. Some people can love each other, but can’t live together. Been there. Tell him you want him to be happy, so you want to go your own way. Be smooth and slide out the door. Always look forward and not back. Good luck!

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    So your choice are... more years of being treated like crap just because you have 6 years in this relationship, or finding a life you're happier in? What kind of choice is that?

    Look, I know what you mean about dating. It's barbaric. But, first, it is not essential that a woman have a man. I know many women - widows, divorcees, never married- who have perfectly nice social lives and are happier being able to live the way they want than in catering to someone else. On the other hand, I know one divorcee and one widow who found second husbands when they were in their 50s, and are very happy. 

    There are some good men out there. I know one couple who have been married for 20 years. He still goes out on cold mornings and starts his wife's car so it's warm for her- not because she ever asked him, but because he thinks about ways to make her life better and easier. That's the kind of man you want. 

  • 2 months ago

    As to whether changing the lock will work or not, in whose name is the house in? If he is listed as the tenant or the deed is in his name you can't legally lock him out. It can get complicated. I agree that it appears that he may have another FWB somewhere although this would change his legally being allowed to live in his own home. You might need to consult an attorney although, if it's owned or leased entirely by you, I'd at least try locking him out first as he may just leave.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I know that feeling about wasting so many years.  I was a bit younger than you (26) and we started dating when I was 20.  I later realized those years weren't wasted.  They taught me how to do better in a relationship and what sorts of red flags I should never ignore.  Now I view them as kissing a frog so I could be the person to attract my real prince! (happily married 10 years).

    Nobody can tell you what to do here, but that idea of changing the locks isn't a good one.  That's because it's very passive aggressive.  You'd be doing it to get a reaction out of him, which you'll get.  Now what?  It doesn't replace your obviously needed discussion.

    Until I got to the end, I was thinking you need to aside some time and tell him the 2 of you need to talk about what's  been happening.  Don't be confrontational and ask the same of him.  It's all about open and honest.  You can still do this, but when you mention you think he's cheating, imo that takes it nuclear.  For most of us, if he's being a jerk at home, and cheating on top of it, the relationship ran its course a couple years ago.  You didn't get the memo, though..  That's exactly how mine  played out.  I saw the signs, but shoved them aside because I had so much invested in this.

  • tony
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    why do u tolerate his emotional abuse?Time for a reality check: if he treats you like he doesn’t care, he clearly doesn’t. Respect yourself enough to walk away.That’s BS. When they lose interest in something (i.e. YOU!), it’s so blatant you just can’t ignore it. Just because he’s not mature enough to sit you down and tell you he’s not feeling it anymore doesn’t mean he’s not trying to tell you in other ways. His lack of care for you or your feelings say everything.

    Source(s): If He Treats You Like He Doesn’t Care, Believe Him & Walk Away
  • 2 months ago

    Yeah, sounds like he has something going on with someone else and the stress of keeping the secret has him lashing out at you, a very common reaction from a cheater. 

    I support your decision to move on. 

  • Nat
    Lv 4
    2 months ago

    You said he didn't treat you like crap until now, but he has stormed out on you multiple times? Mature people in relationships don't just leave for days at a time. If they want to clear their head, they leave for a few hours max. 

    I'm not eager to tell people to break up with their significant other, as I will have no consequence from telling you that, but you might. If you do what to save this relationship you need to tell him exactly how you feel, nicely, and if he's completely irresponsive then I Think this relationship is over. 

  • T J
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    This is one reason to never rush into marriage. Be glad you did not marry him, now be even smarter and get him out of your life.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    just sleep with him more

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