As a parent how do you deal with a 4yo kid that violent hits parents to get what he/she wants?

So he had a plate full of thanksgiving food and knew if he eats the food he gets a cupcake for dessert but not unless you eat your dinner food first 

So he turned his plate upside down , threw the food at the parents and all over the floor and screamed “I want my cupcake NOWWWW”

He then was told no cupcake so he ate a few more bites and since it’s thanksgiving he got to have cupcake and then shouted to have the other cupcakes that were for other family members ....  but he was told no so he started hitting family members hard in the face and shouting “Nowwwwwwww

And then later at bedtime he refused to go to bed saying he’s hungry for dinner and if you don’t give me more food I will dump the food out of the refrigerator and you’ll be sorry , he said 

How do you handle that if it’s your kid 

15 Answers

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  • L
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    As a parent, I would have NEVER allowed my child to get to this point at all.

  • 1 month ago

    SAM your #2 is so wrong! You said to whip him for hitting! Children do what they see! Or they will re-enact what is being done to them! Whipping for hitting!!! Sounds so democratic american!! 

  • 2 months ago

    I will offer a view on this.

    You told the child they would not get a cupcake unless they ate their meal. They didn't eat their meal and you gave them a cupcake anyway.

    Why should the child listen to what you say when you yourself don't follow through with it?

    Do not set rules and then ignore your own rules.

    What this does is encourage the child that you don't mean what you say, and that they should keep pushing until they get what they want.

    If my daughter threw her food she would be in her room with no toys for the rest of the meal, having been told that we love her we miss her, and we want her to come out of her room when she is ready to say sorry. 

  • 2 months ago

    The issue here, isn't actually the 4 year olds tantrum (they are common), its YOU choosing to negotiate with him twice, a) after he knocked his food over and b) after he struck one of his relatives.

    What would I do? Well several things

    1- The minute he picked up the plate and got in motion to throw it, he would be warned of the consequences of what would happen if he followed through with it! It would be a final, not some negoatioation.

    2- If he decided to throw the food, he would be picked up and carried up to his room, where he would be kept in there for 10 minutes so he can cool off! I would take every electronic out of the room so he doesn't think its some vacation, he would have nothing to do but sit there and cool down.

    3- After the time out, he would be told where he went wrong which was a) choosing to not eat his dinner b) being verbally rude c) tossing his dinner across the room. He would then be told that there would be no dinner or desert for the rest of the night, and that he would have to wait until morning for brekfeast. Then he would be taken downstairs, handed a broom and he would clean up the mess he made, after tossing the food in the garbage. He would also be made to apologise to everyone in the room for his tantrums

    4- If he hit a family member and it was violent? He'd get one swat (hard, but not on the face), to show what it feels like to be hit, so he can learn empathy! He would then be escorted up to his room, and he would be put to bed for the remainder of the night. If he wants to cry/tantrum it up? Go for it, nobody will listen, and when he doesn't get the attention hes looking for, he'd give up and go to bed.

    Source(s): I have 4 nieces and nephews (all 6 and under).
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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    a few days locked in the closet will straighten that kid out . 

  • 2 months ago

    Guaranteed that kid would go to bed with a very sore a$$, as he would be spanked. Holiday or not, there is no way any kid of mine would ever be allowed to stay at the table after intentionally dumping food, and there would be absolutely NO cupcake. He would be put to bed. If he gets out of bed again, his butt gets slapped again. 

  • 2 months ago

    Our girls learned very early on that demanding something was a sure way to not get it at all. It being a holiday doesn't excuse bad behavior. At all.

    If one of our girls had turned over a plate, she would not have had any more food at that meal, and definitely would not have had a cupcake. She would also have helped clean up the mess.

  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    My kid would never have acted like that. Because my husband and I would never have allowed behavior like that to happen, much less persist like that. This child is a spoiled brat who has been allowed to set his own rules for far too long. And the parents have indulged it and now wonder why he’s like that. Or if they aren’t wondering yet, just give it a few years and they will have an uncontrollable monster on their hands who is a disrespectful, obnoxious person nobody can stand. And mom and dad will wring their hands and say “we just don’t understand”. Yeah, how about you don’t reward behavior like throwing food with a cupcake? Hitting people at all is never ok, especially not in the face, but according to you there was no discipline for that behavior either.

    Terrible parents raising a terrible child.

  • Merry
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    1/. Be consistent - if Billy is not expected to sit up at the table and eat his dinner every day, & if dessert is an expected option, his behaviour is unlikely to be different just because it's Thanksgiving. 

    2/. Set clear boundaries and have consequences - hitting, turning his plate over & tipping food on the floor, shouting is not acceptable. 

    Despite this behaviour he received a cupcake. 

    Giving him the cupcake just reinforced the behaviour as a positive option. 

    Don't give him the cupcake.

    Remove him from the table and tell him that when he is going to behave and sit up and eat his dinner he can return. 

    3/. He is clearly very angry, defiant & use to getting what he wants. 

    Has there been something that has been unsettling for him? 

    Speak to him about these emotions.eg - I can see that you are very angry and you don't want to do A 

    A family or child psychologist can help with wording and strategies & can also assess behavioural & developmental concerns. 

  • y
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    If that is your kid, you have already failed. Not sure what to do at that point. The parents needs to be taught how to parent before they can be taught, how to get the kid under control.

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