Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

I disowned my sister because she did not come to our mothers funeral but her friend did and her friend had a worst parent.?

I'm 26 and my sister is 24. We were raised by a single mother who wasn't the most perfect parent. She did have days where she would lash out and accuse us of things that went on in her life. But we had a good childhood. We were never physically abused but we were emotionally abused a lot. My sisters friend was abused in a way more painful way. She was raised in a strict islamic household and her parents were very cruel to her, threatened to end her life. She never had the freedom to do anything. She was also forced into marriage at a young age which she ran from and met my sister. We brought her into our home and our mother liked her. Shes like a sister to us. When my sister moved out, that girl moved out with her and started living together. My younger sister does not get along with my mom so she stopped coming at all. But her friend still came and she liked our mother like it's her own. My mother died in early October and we had a funeral in mid October. My sister did not show up but her friend did show up. I was extremely mad and I did lash out on her friend for not convincing my sister to come. Later that day, I went over to my sisters place and we fought bad. She kept trying to compare our mother with her friends mother. Our mother might have emotionally abused us at times but we were always loved and we had all the freedom and our mother supported us till the end. She does not understand that her friend had very bad parents compared to our mom.

Update:

I lashed out at her friend and her friend decided to pick her stuff up and leave. We haven't heard from her friend and we are worried about her. I completely stopped talking to my sister but I've been texting the friend and she hasn't been replying. I said some really bad things to her out of frustration and brought up things about her past she didn't want to hear. I feel bad but I dont know what to do right now. Should I continue talking to my sister? 

Update 2:

I've been extremely down because of the recent passing of my mom. I lost a lot of weight and on top of it all, I lost my sister and our friend. We haven't heard from our friend for a while and we are scared that she may have took her own life because she did suffer with depression. I dont know what to do next. Can someone help me? Give me some advice. Thank you 

18 Answers

Relevance
  • 2 months ago

    Attending or not attending is a personal decision. If your sister chose not to attend, that's her business and has nothing to do with you. Now, as for lashing out at your family friend because she didn't "force" your sister to go? That was uncalled for and childish at best. You say you're 26 years old but you talk and seem as though your under 17 by the things you say. You need to grow up and stop holding grudges. Go to the Doctor, get on meds and try and do better going forward.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Not a typical question that comes up for Michelle's Method TM, but I don't think you should write off your sister and lose more family due to personal suffering over your mother's behavior. Perhaps you should separate your own feelings about your mother and childhood from your perception of her as a person. Give her a chance to tell her side of the story. Even if you don't agree, you could be objective and understanding. Don't compare her suffering to her friend's as that is degrading and belittling to your sister. Just listen. Do not cut someone off for this. 

  • Carmen
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Hello concerned grieving one my condolences on you and your family loss. Sometimes emotions get tangled up and out if control with different situations and things turn out positive then sometimes things turn out negative as the situation you mentioned with your sister and the friend you both knew. All you can try to do is make amends with your sister who has a right good or bad to feel as she does because her life and relationship with her mom wasn’t the greatest in some areas. Same with the friend of the family her feelings for your mom are for different reasons than your sisters understandingly so she had a right to attend the funeral without being lashed out at especially from someone who she looked as a brother and especially since you mentioned her life story wasn’t the greatest either. I pray you find the time and space you need to grieve and keep going and be a stronger wiser better person. As they say time heals things hopefully it will heal the relationship between you your sister and family friend. Take some deep breaths pray for a calm heart and peace of mind. We all made mistakes being imperfect it’s how we handle those mistakes is what counts. We can’t change others only ourselves. Hope the friend is ok. 

  • Git
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    It is sad to have lost a loved ones. Even sadder is to fell out with some you obviously still love. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Your sister may have erred, but so did you.

    Forgive your sister; she may be struggling with her own demons now. There is nothing to be gained by holding a grudge with each other. Your sister is a headstrong person as can be seen from her refusal to forgive your mother. It will take time and patience to bring her back to you. But if your actions are sincere, she will understand in the end.

    As for your friend, she is not just your friend, she is your sister. Treat her as a sister. Continue to text her, show concern for her. Tell her you are sorry to have lashed out at her and you regretted it. Ask for her forgiveness. She too will understand in time.

    Remember, be patience and humble.

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • 2 months ago

    I'd tell you to f*ck off. Me and my brother go at it all the time and my brother always takes my mom's side too. They both treat me like a kid who has no say. I MUST do everything they tell me to do because that's how they grew up. You see instead of wanting to become a better person they would rather pull me down to not have me succeed all because their lonely inside. You don't think your sister is going through some things too? Of course not because apparently everything has to be about you. Keep pushing people out. You're going to die alone. Sorry if this seemed personal, but I can relate to your sister a lot. Perhaps you should seek help. Your sister isn't your punching bag. She has feelings too.

    Edit: don't worry about your friend. Peopel aren't going to kill themselves because you lashed out at them. I would probably kill myself if I had to live with you guys too though.

    Source(s): Personal
  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

     Disowning family member’s is usually a bad idea imo zxjqk

     . . . . . . . . . .

     , , , , , , , , , ,

  • Ann
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Obviously, this woman you lashed out to no longer considers you a friend, so why are you referring to her as "our friend"?  She had a right to come to your mother's funeral if she liked your mother.   She couldn't be blamed if your sister didn't attend.  It's your  fault she has removed you from her life. You admitted that her mother was more abusive to her than yours was to you.  I'm sure she feels that you were treating her as her mother used to.   Don't be asking other people to help you, as you are the only one who can fix this. If she did harm herself and you knew beforehand she suffered from depression, then it's on you.  If you know where she lives, go to her and apologize unconditionally (no whining about yourself and your own feelings) for hurting her.  Period.  Then whatever happens will happen.  Don't expect her to instantly forgive and forget. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Is English your first language?

  • 2 months ago

    Even though siblings may live in the same house with the same parents, they still have very different experiences of their childhood. It sounds like you are doing a lot of comparing yourself and you wish that your sister would make the same decisions you did, however, it's not fair of you to ask that of her. Her experiences and feelings about your mother are valid and she gets to have those feelings. Think about your behavior in this scenario... you lashed out at someone who has their own history of abuse who has nothing to do with the relationship between you and your sister and your sister and your mom. You then went and attacked your sister in her home for, basically, having some boundaries. I would say that you really need to focus on how your upbringing has impacted you and the choices you make rather than try to force your sister to stop feeling her feelings. 

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I suppose that all you can really do is to apologise. You have been stressed and saddened by the passing of your mother understandably, but you do need to apologise and promise to try to leave the past behind and make more of an effort to be nicer.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.