My 12 year old son does not like me teaching or tutoring him or reading with him. Is this normal  ?

My youngest son who is turning 12 years old in two months does not like me tutoring him. He finds my style annoying according to him. I am into details so I like to explain in detail how things turned out the way they did in a story. In Language Arts, I explain to him in detail the differences so he can understand things more clearly. Is it normal for kids or boys his age to show disinterest? My son is not good at reading and comprehension. This might explain why he finds my details boring and reading, in particular, a chore. Math is easier for him to understand. Are 12 yr old boys not interested in bonding with mom? My eldest was a quiet boy and he was a good student. There was no need to tutor him. Our bonding moments were board games, travel, movies, and eating out. My 12 yr old son would rather play Roblox and Minecraft with is classmates. 

8 Answers

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    If your son is 12 years old and still isn't able to read at grade level (he should be in the 6th grade by now) then he needs to be tested for both a reading problem and a learning disability. As for his disdain of being read to, that's understandable. He's not a little kid anymore- he's on the threshold of puberty. MOST boys his age generally develop an aversion to having parents do intimate activities like reading with them. He's also beginning to develop a sense of his own identity as a person, and you engaging in infantile activities like reading to him isn't helping him do this. Being read to is for toddlers and babies, and your son is long past that stage. I'm sure it embarrasses him, too. When was the last time he invited friends over while you were doing this with him (before the pandemic, of course)? If it has been a while, then you have your answer as to why he doesn't want you doing this with him. And rather than tutoring him yourself, you really need to have a professional do this. Or at the very least, a college student, who can relate to your son as a peer instead of as a parent.

    Your son's attitude has nothing to do with not wanting to "bond" with you. It has everything to do with the fact that he's growing up. Boys his age are usually embarrassed to have their moms pay this kind of attention to them. If you get a college student to come and tutor him, it might be good to find someone who is into gaming and knows how to play Minecraft. You'd be surprised at the lessons your son can learn from the video games.

  • 1 month ago

    Yes, on going talking makes it really difficult to focus.

    All the explaining and chatter add to his dismay of the topic.

    I'd just do it a wee different. I'd give him a paper where he could write the answers to a few key points in chapter. If he doesnt know then re read chapter find answer.

    Something that became very helpful in our house regarding home schooling and video games during covid19. Video games are time consuming and on the minds of pre teens from the moment they wake up. This is why we have study hours, study time, art time, clean your room , help around the house time, play with dog time. Shower, be helpful, respectful. As well as a get up time and bed time.

    So don't ask just like if you were in school no video games all day. After 4pm for 1 hour till dinner...bitchy, or have an attitude then pass on that hour. Another hour after dinner, that's it 2 hours a day on the video games.

    On a rare day,  done with school work, reading, spelling, being helpful, responsible,  respectful, showering and cleaning up your room with out being extra hour of video games may happen but, don't ask.

    Hold him more accountable but, talk less.

    He needs a set reading daily time say 20 mins daily....reading aloud is a grwat way to improve reading skills.

  • 3 months ago

    I agree with the other respondent who'd suggested letting your pediatrician know of your concerns about your son, as well as talking with the school counselor.  (Even if schools are closed due to Covid-19, the school counselor may give a call back.)  Most public schools have a Child Study Team (cst) who may provide evaluation for students with a possible educational disability, such as dyslexia and/or ADHD (attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder).  The cst usually includes a school social worker, learning disabilities teacher-consultant (LDT-C), and school psychologist.

    Before testing by the cst was to begin, they would need the parents' permission.  The school social worker may interview the parent to inquire, for instance, about his or her concerns for the child, the child's medical history, family history, and/or the child's developmental milestones (such as when starting crawling, walking, and talking).

  • 4 months ago

    I don't think it is unusual. Particularly at that age. There are days my son doesn't either. So bribe him. He can only watch TV after his lessons. He gets a treat depending on how well he does.

    Try that

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  • 4 months ago

    Every kid is different. Many "tweens" and teens find their parents extremely annoying. Many kids hate having their parents work with them on homework if they aren't used to be homeschooled. Some kids are close and cuddly, some aren't.  Some are more like us than others. Some kids are visual learns, other are either auditory or kinetic (by doing) learners. 

    If you are concerned, I'd strongly encourage you have your 12-year-old tested for a variety of things from dyslexia to ADHD. Your pediatrician and or local school district can direct you to testing resources. Rather than being frustrated at him (and him at you), it is important to know if his brain just functions differently and how to help him.  

  • edward
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    My family is family oriented.  We do everything together.  Almost everything.  I never needed a tutor, my sister did.  So i did other things while she was with her tutor.  But the family bonds while we are together.  

  • 4 months ago

    Entirely normal, yes.

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    I don't consider helping a child with school work as a "bonding" experience.  It is WORK no matter how it is done.  If anything, it will make him want to spend less time with you.  (and it sounds like that is happening.)  And - it is normal for some students to NOT be interested in additional school work.  Doesn't matter if it is a boy or a girl.  Some students want to do the bare amount required and nothing else.  If you push too hard, your son will end up hating you.  

    Change your style of "tutoring" to be a little less detailed.  Consider having a discussion with his actual teachers about what your son needs help improving in AND the best ways to give him that help.  Right now, you are only pushing him away from you and possibly making him hate reading even more.

    Then - if you want actual "bonding" time with your son - find things that are actually FUN that you both enjoy doing and make that something you do together.

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