How to deal with destructive children.?

I don't know if this is a rant or a question but I am at my wits end with two my children ages 6 and 4. Destroying everything freaking thing I own. They do it either by accident or when they get angry. Ripping books, knocking things over. Today son got mad at his Sister and took the top of something cylindrical and punched 3 holes in my coffee table, yesterday he dug a hole in our wall. They both destroyed their entire bedroom set. Broke their mirror, drew on the walls and snapped the bed frame. Ripped decorations down. I spent 900 on an entire new bedroom  and they have nothing  but a mattress now. I'm soooooo tired of replacing things. What can I do?  Nobody in my house is violent. My husband and I don't fight. We have a good marriage. Any advice would be appreciated. This is not an every now and again thing.  Its damn near everyday.

28 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    At least you have a husband & it would appear in your question that the kids also have a dad,,, well sort-of but it also appears that he may be dropping the ball a little.

    My Wife & I make very effective use of the "Good-parent Bad-parent" technique.

    She's the Bad-parent that typically has to Beg our two kids to behave,

    And I'm the Good-one that seldom has to 'Tell' them to more than once,

    But we also occasionally switch roles to keep the adorable diabolically clever little house-monkeys  too off balance to try running an end-around & playing two-sides against the middle. 

    So unless your Husband is just a Date that worked out allowing him to hang around with nothing to do but sleep with you & pay the bills as long as he avoids pissing anybody off including your children,

    I'd personally recommend getting on the same page & staying on the same side.

    Witch is of-course the Kid's side whether they know it or not and Back each-other up.

    And even if you happen to disagree about technique & methodology for heaven's sake work that out & agree to disagree AWAY from the adorable diabolically clever house-monkeys so-as to stay ahead of the little beastie's affinity for cleverly exploiting two-sides against the middle witch typically confuses their presumption of who's in charge & control of anything including their behavior since they no-less typically live & breath in a common elusion that it's somehow 'Them' anyway. 

    1. Always trust but verify,

    & never take either pair of eyes off of kids in the monster-phase of development or anything the least bit potentially damageable because if you don't you might just as well just let Pugsley & Wednesday play with sharp objects & explosives & burn your world down on top of you.

    2. Never replace busted toys,, especially the expensive kind.

    SuperDad can fix anything & everything, and anything that Can't be fixed? oops! tough-luck Love, guess you shouldn't-o-busted it huh...

    3. Anything of Yours or of the House they break rates a Pounding & Grounding with less pounding on kids & more pounding on the  weight of Grounding.

    Witch makes TVs, smartphones & video-games & such like in kid's rooms the Devil distracting them from any consequent situational wariness that they've even been grounded at-all with no paroles or commutations except on furlough to do a chore.

    4. You & your Husband married 'Each-other' for better or worse till death does one or the other of you part, Not your children.

    Children are just a fact of life far-removed from pie in the sky poetry about birds & bees & cabbage-leaves and an amusingly bothersome diversion until such a time as kids can be legally shown the door & a shot fired over their heads to make sure they're properly motivated to not come back & ask for money or live in the basement after effectively turning their rooms into a den , or a sewing room, storage closet ANTHING but an extra bedroom!     Because responsible parenting is neither a Right or Privilege or a job or even a responsibility,,it's a Gift of life you gave yourself that just keeps on giving.  

    Think my seemingly archaic answer is too harsh  & too much work for Millennial parenting in the 21st Century?

    Whatever,, thumb down me then.

    After all, you & your husband are the grownups & can do whatever you want.

    And apparently, so can your kids.

    So good luck.

    And may the entities of providence have mercy on your souls.

  • 4 weeks ago

    i guses this best place for this please can it pass on to the one sitting at side of stood (at cedar hall shool heart road thundersley) he when to pics with someone i care about about. hey scott i you don't what talk to me after what between us i hope you ad the you sat near okay with yourselfs there a letter for you on school grounds

  • 4 weeks ago

    Place them in extra curricular activities.  Give them chores, a routine.  No dinner if they don't get things done. Challenge them to build a fort.

    get off the computer...engage w your kids.  Go on a walk.

    eye roll

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Maybe you should take them to the dr for the dr to help assist you with whatever behavioral issues they may be having. 

    As far as replacing things. I would get some cardboard and build them a fort and tell them that's where they can play, get angry, etc. Lol Dont forget to give time outs. 

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  • 1 month ago

    just punt them into space

  • garry
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    thinks , can give them away or have them adopted , or do what the mexicans do , send them to america ..

  • L
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    A parent uses discipline and punishment when their children misbehave.....have you even tried this?  Why allow this type of behavior?  If you and your husband work.....then the children are doing this for much needed ATTENTION. If you do NOT work - then it is your job, as a parent, to stop this B.S.

  • 1 month ago

    I'd start with a full medical check up of both of them and then a psychiatric evaluation; it's odd for two children of that age, who have no exposure to violence to be acting out like that. What do you do when it comes to parenting? Discipline? Emotional regulation? You have to be involved with the kids on some level to teach them how to behave in society. How do you react to their behavior? Sounds like you need to stop decorating, no need to continue spending money on things you know will be destroyed, that can alleviate some of your distress. Do you talk about expectations and family rules? If not, it's well passed time to do so. When they are calm have a conversation, ask them to participate in thinking of family rules and write them down where they can see them: a good rule of thumb is to stick to five or fewer general rules like being respectful, responsible, and safe and then talking about what those things mean. Provide structure so they aren't getting bored and entertaining themselves by ripping things up. Talk about emotions and how to manage them... it's okay to feel mad, it's not okay to punch holes in things. When you are mad you can punch your pillow, you can rip up recycling paper/magazines, you can scribble on paper, you can do jumping jacks, etc. I mean it sounds like one or both either have a severe mental disturbance or they are basically just wild animals due to lack of parenting... or a combination of both. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I have raised 3 children, 2 of whom who were very destructive and it turns out that part of the problem was that they had a very high IQ, and they were too bored when they wanted to see why something was designed the way it was, so they would dissect anything to figure that out and that would mean the item's destruction.  Some times intelligence is the culprit other times it is behavioral issues due to their upbringing, such as bad habits they have been allowed to develop, but patience and diligence as a parent in trying to raise decent future responsible adults, will pay off, if you stay consistent. Figuring how to reach their hearts is important and children the age that your children are, are requiring much time and effort. That all being said, for me what helped my children was 1 on 1 time with each of them each day, and working to get to the heart of the matter in determining how to reach their hearts in being considerate of me, and the rest of our family, and others out side our family. It took a lot of time and energy and it paid off in the long run.  I feel for you. I will pray for you and hope that you are able to find some success in helping your children. For my children what helped them the most was having a great relationship with God. I trained them early to learn as much as they could from the Bible and to pray to God on their own and develop a relationship with Him. That helped them to really learn to care about what He thought of their actions and the way they treated others and others' belongings. When they realized that they were accountable in His eyes, it taught them to try to become better behaved. I will post the link to an article that may help you on the subject of raising considerate children in a me first world, and I will also post the links to some free publications that help children if you should decide to study from the Bible with them.  I hope these publications help your family as much as they have been solid help for mine.

    Raising Considerate Children In a Me First World:

    *also at the bottom of this article is the link to quite a few more real good articles for raising children at bottom of the page you will see this:

    Related Topics

    Raising Children

    Marriage & Family If you check out the links under the "Raising Children" link, you will be better at determining which article will help you the most with your families set of circumstances. The other links at the bottom of this answer page are to publications that helped my kids, my top three favorite to teach them are at the top of the list. All of these books are available to 100% free and they can be downloaded or you can request them for free in an actual book state. My kids each had their own copies.My Book Of Bible Stories: from The Great Teacher: Learned From the Bible: The Way The Truth The Life: Can Be God's Friend: sure hope that this information is as helpful for you as it was for me. Have a wonderful day! :o)

  • 1 month ago

    @Sandy...The way I'm feeling right now...if it where not illegal...they'd have the best crates money could buy lol!!!

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