Aren't we basically engaged at this point? What is engagement really?

My boyfriend frequently speaks of wanting to marry me, verbalizes that he promises he's going to marry me, and even talks about how soon enough he'll get to call me his fiancee and then wife.

I don't find it weird or bad or anything of the sort, as I feel the same; however, it almost makes me feel like I'm, what my friend called, "engaged to being engaged."

Now obviously, I do personally think of being actually engaged as a more public and special thing, same with being proposed to properly, but the word "proposal" directly just means to pose a question, and if the question of marriage has already been acknowledged quite a bit where I've also agreed with what he's said, what is the point in not actually being engaged 100%, especially if he seems to have complete plans to marry me, that he openly mentions often?

7 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    The engagement is actually a contract.  In the past it was possible to sue for breach if that contract was broken.  As such it exists only when evidence for it exists.  Such as a public announcement.  Otherwise it has the same credibility as a politician's promise.

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    The difference is between the two of you 

    simply discussing/agreeing to marry and 

    the formal announcement to everyone 

    else that you are going to get married. 

    The use of the word normally indicates 

    that real plans have begun to actually 

    get married (usually a year to a year 

    and a half timeframe). 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    If he's getting the milk for free, why rush to by the cow.

  • 1 month ago

    Beyonce said it best. If he liked you then he shoulda put a ring on it!!!! Or if you ain't got a marriage license, don't bother wondering. It's official when it's mae legally official.

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  • T J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Talk, is talk. Actions are the only thing that counts. Many people talk marriage, but never do. And if they get pushed, they break up.

  • 1 month ago

    Tell him to stop talking about it until he's ready to propose marriage. Not talk about it. That's enough of that. You don't mention how long you've been dating but if it's less than 18 months.. just tell him to put it away and don't bring it up again until he's making a marriage proposal. Science and wisdom suggest a minimum of two years knowing a person well before getting married. nothing romantic, really, about marrying someone you don't know very well. 

    Engagement begins after a clear marriage proposal has been made and accepted. The period of time between the proposal and the successful completion of the marriage vows and contract is the period of time called "engagement". While a date is agreed upon and the wedding is planned.                                                                                                                                                                                      

    Talking about what ifs and someday do not count as an engagement. fun conversations maybe though, but "engaged to be engaged" largely signifies that everyone involved is too young to be married or engaged. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I think most people tend to accept that an engagement is a direct proposition from him to marry you. However, you are right in the sense that he seems to be doing everything leading up to a proposal except making the proposal itself. I think it is important that your boyfriend does propose so that there is complete transparency over his intentions and you can do things like start planning your wedding. In terms of his reasons for his indecisiveness, this is something that you will need to find out for yourself. I would guess though that he probably has gotten cold feet or something along those lines. I really hope this helps :)

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