Why do men abandon their children?

My child's father has only seen our son twice. He would reach out every now and then but I'm assuming that's when him and his new woman weren't on good terms. He reached out and we met him and his fiance at the park the other day. Everything went good until I asked him when he was going to provide for his child financially. I recently found out that the reason he wasn't there for my child is because he now has a fiance and plays daddy to her five kids. I found out he helps celebrate her kids birthdays but never called to wish our son a happy birthday. This man didn't even get a card, no nothing. This man has never given me a dollar for our son. He gave me an ultimatum of either letting him and his fiance take our 14 month old son (without my supervision) or if not then basically he can't provide for him. I declined, I know nothing about this woman, her kids, and this man can't be trusted. Mind you this man has 3 babymamas including me and 4 kids. His other kid's mothers complain about him being a deadbeat at times. I just don't understand.

9 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    Your question is "why do men...?" but really your question involves only one man, so knock it off with the generalisation. It's offensive.

    You need to go to court and sue him for child support. How you could not know that is just...crazy.

  • 1 month ago

    First off, you are a fool to allow him NOT to pay child support. That is what courts and garnished wages are for. Take that bastard to court.

    Child support and visitations are NOT contingent upon one another.

    Men typically abandon their kids because they do not want to deal with the baby-momma or be harassed for money...or both. He has a right to see his child, even if he has never paid any child support. He is a deadbeat dad...take him to court. But, know this...guys who are forced to pay child support may feel a sudden entitlement to see their child(ren). Hence all the drama that follows.

    So, think about what you wish for.

    You have choices...take him to court and have his wages garnished and put up with whatever he brings into your lives, or stop all contact with him.

    Men abandon their children every day and it is shameful because then when the child is 13 years old, rebels against you and wants to go live with daddy, the chit hits the fan. It is a crap shoot and you never really know what is going to happen.

    I would NEVER align myself with a guy who abandons his child(ren) because if he can do it once or twice, he can do it three or four times.

    And the worst part is that the chidren are the ones who end up suffering the most. Such a pity.

  • 1 month ago

    To answer your initial question, although I don't know why they do it, I know that it is more common than people think.  So many of the close friends that I made in college - from all over the US and from different backgrounds - had a father who left when they were young and was mostly uninvolved in their lives thereafter.  Although my Dad was always there for us (his second marriage), I found out in my 20s that my older brother didn't even "meet" our father until he was 6.  Many of these Dads have tried to re-connect with their kids later in life, but they are still not men to ever be relied upon.  I'm sure women do this, too, but the amount of men who left their children (families) and never looked back is extraordinary in my opinion.  While these actions are easy to pass judgement against, it's also fascinating to look at the desertion as a function of nature; especially since it's so common. The human male is not the only animal that does this; studying the commonality and "reasoning" behind other animals may help you find the answers as to "why" humans do it.

  • 1 month ago

    Ah so. You knew the devil you were dancing with. You knew of his other babymommas. You understood the history of his dance. What don't you understand? He romances, impregnates and dumps his offspring and their Moms. Who, at least in your case, complain but haven't put him on child support. You need to take care of your legal business, woman. 

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    In your case, it's because women like you enable them.  You knew he was a bad father.  You knew he was a deadbeat.  Yet you had another child with him and now you complain that he hasn't changed.  You're both immature and selfish people.

    Get a lawyer.  Take him to court.  You didn't think about what you would be doing to your child before, but you need to grow up and do so now.  At least get child support out of this guy so your kid will have some financial stability with any luck.  Or consider giving the child up for adoption to someone who will care for them and look out for their interests.  

  • 1 month ago

    Women almost always want the divorce, of course they want full custody so they can get paid big.   They usually make up some garbage like he's on drugs or whatever it takes to get full custody the man has no defense the court always believes anything the woman says the lawyers know this.  After the divorce she wants the kids to hate him as much as she hates him, so starts the process of her and her family getting the kids to hate their father.  After a time he may need to move away for a job at this point the relationship between the father and Kids is officially over.  Through this process the man and children suffer extreme pain and mental damage while the woman rides the cock carousel blowing all the Child support money on her partying.  Then she claims the man abandoned the children and never pays and tells them he never loved them.  This is the truth in almost every case so dont ask if you dont like the truth.

  • T J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    You need to get a lawyer, take him to court, and get court ordered child support. When he is not paying he can be jailed. If you cannot afford a lawyer, there is free help, contact legal aid.

  • 1 month ago

    Its simple really - he wants to APPEAR like an interested parent to this new woman until he has her properly on the hook, then? Who knows? 

    You don't need to make any sort of arrangement with him to support your child together. You go to the Courts and get it Court Ordered. Then he pays, without making demands. He can then also apply for visitation. Whether he qualifies, having never been there for the child remains to be seen. Somehow I don't think he will fight that hard, given he has been able to abandon his other children as well. 

    Doesn't want to support his children? He should stop making new ones then. 

    But I do have to wonder were you like this new woman? Excusing his not participating in his child's life but thinking that, some how, it just would be "different" with you? 

  • Ashley
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Because he most likely showed reg flags before you decided to sleep with him and you chose to ignore them. Usually the men that abandon their children are not saints before they actually choose to abandon them. And you already mentioned a red flag which is he has 3 baby mothers. Choose wisely who you sleep around with 

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