Anonymous

He is 27 and I am 33, soon 34, different religion but live each other and have communication problems. Is a serious relationship possible?

I am a 33 independent lady (muslim) and he is 27 (hindu). We are fine with our age and religion difference.

However, we have a seriously communication problem. He gets angry very easily and we are always trying to calm things down but it rarely works.We are one and a half year together and he has such an authoritative attitude with so much ego. If he doesn’t like something he will shut down on himself and ignore me for days. This doesn’t help me. I am the one who will always keep me feeling inside just because I am scared to lose him at anytime since he once left me for one month where I ended with severe depression. Now, that he is back he is kind to me for a short moment and when he gets angry he will start shouting and swearing at me. Will this relationship work? I am feeling tired and feel drained. I recently learn that I got a fibroma on the uterus and the doctor told me that I should be very quick at having a child. This is very difficult decision for me because, I am not even living a happy relationship and he told me he can only get married to me in two years and that he will never have a child outside marriage. What do I do please?

6 Answers

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  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Your relationship sounds very unstable.

    Is the depression a price worth paying for being with someone with anger issues.   Have you sought support from your respective spiritual leaders?  Or does faith not go that deep for either of you?

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You might some couples counseling to see if you can develop better communication. But it sounds like you're also in need of some individual therapy to deal with your depression and codependency. 

  • 1 month ago

    The more confident he is in the relationship the worse the arguing & fighting there will be.  If it is bad now, it will only get worse.  I would run for my life cause you are a strong woman & won't take his attitude much longer.  I seriously don't see this relationship going anywhere positively.  It will just get worse & worse unless you can draw some lines & set up limitations.  You are being berated by him & that is something I couldn't stand.

    If he has the mindset of dominating his woman, you couldn't stand the leash he puts on you.  Keeping you under his thumb.  Controlling your every move.

  • 1 month ago

    Consider couples counseling, but it sounds like your boyfriend has some possibly serious emotional issues that can only be addressed through individual therapy or counseling on his part.

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  • 1 month ago

    It sounds like you have more than a communication problem. He has a self control problem and perhaps anger issues. Because of your medical situation and your age, I understand that you are concerned about losing him but...please think instead about what you might be gaining. Doesn't peace of mind sound nice? How about kindness, respect, joy, and trust? Do you have any of those things with him that make it worth managing the angry periods?

    It may be the case that you bring out the worst in each other. It is not clear to me what makes him so angry and so incapable of expressing his feelings constructively. My first husband was an angry person in general. He was also a bully, an alcoholic, and a wife and child beater, as it turned out. He was a mean drunk and a horrible person. I got out as soon as I could. 

    My second husband can also be a real jerk when he's angry. I have learned over the years that men either respect or leave a woman when she stands up for herself. He and I have been married almost 15 years and have had our share of disagreements. Recently, he was being such an a**hole that I stopped my car, got out, and told him he could drive himself home. He told me he'd walk instead so I left him there by the side of the road. It was a good three to five mile walk too. 

    A couple of months later we were kind of talking about that fight and he said something like, you know, Love wouldn't have left me there by the side of the road (it was a lovely day, broad daylight, so it wasn't that, he just meant in principle). And I acknowledged that he was right about that. In my mind I promised myself to behave better in the future. 

    But to him I said, yes, Okay,, I agree. And to me, Love wouldn't speak to me the way that you speak to me when you're angry. 

    And honestly, he's gotten so much better since then. 

    So if you have not said to him, Hey, Handsome, when you say X, I feel Y and it sucks. It'd be great if you could work on that. 

    Also, if he shouts and swears at you, shout and swear right back. Tell him just because he has a dick doesn't mean he has to act like one. You're allowed to have feelings and your own agenda and way of doing things. In my experience couples have a really hard time understanding this for a while, and then when they figure it out and give each other space to be who they are, they remember why they fell in love in the first place. 

    Sorry it's so long! Hope that helps. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I don't think this man is someone any woman should be committed to. He has anger control issues, thinks he has the right to be the boss in all things, has a big ego, and doesn't mind ignoring you for days when you've annoyed him.

    Who'd want a guy like that? And why? I truly believe you are better off alone than with a man who has these traits.

    I think your very best move would be to ignore him for days(I bet he won't like it, the shoe on the other foot!), during which you make arrangements to get professional help for depression and a consult about your fibroma with a specialist. Fibromas are treatable if they're so large they will interfere with a pregnancy, and with treatment, need not force you to consider having your babies sooner rather than later with a man who's horrible to you.

    Luckily you've only invested a year and a half on this mess of a man. Cut your losses and break up.

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