Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 1 month ago

Should my husband and I sit down talk with our daughter about her having a baby at the age of 23 with a guy she's dated for 6 months?

I'm very emotional about this and it's hard for me to ask this question so please go easy on me. 

My daughter is 23 and was dating a 40 year old narcissist from 2017-2019. He kept her from friends and family when he met her at 20 (he was 38) and convinced her to get an apartment with him after dating for 2 months. She was swept away by him wining and dining her and flying her to San Francisco in the 1st month they met. Long story short she broke up with him and got back together with him 6x in 2 years. They didn't even last 6 months in their shared apartment together before they cancelled the lease early and her father and I had to pay the penalty to save her from ruining her credit since her bf didn't bother. Then she breaks up with him and I pleaded with her to go to therapy.

Instead she was dating a new guy her own age 3 months later. Now 6 months in she's pregnant at 23, no savings, no place of her own as she lives with her father and me at home. She doesn't even know how to cook for herself. She isn't working but is interning somewhere and finishes her bachelors degree in June of 2021. She spends most of the money she does have (from the $1200 covid check) on weed at dispensaries, fast food and shopping at the mall.

Her 23 year old boyfriend works at a factory and has a cheap apartment in a not so nice part of town. I heard her telling a friend that she intentionally got pregnant because her and her new bf's relationship was on the rocks!

What can I do?

Update:

Her degree will be Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from the local university but I'm not sure how promising that career field is.

Update 2:

Her boyfriend and his family are members of the church of latter days saints and don't believe in abortion and they're excited and encouraging the baby. Her boyfriend is happy about it because he says my daughter is out of his league .......

20 Answers

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  • 4 weeks ago

    A twenty three year old baby sounds impossible to carry and deliver.

  • 1 month ago

    yes sit  down and talk

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    you cant change the way they feel its time you step out of the picture

    and just face it they are going to have a baby ,,,,,you need to be happy about it

  • 1 month ago

    no lol...............

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  • L
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    If she was under 18-years of age, yes..........you could sit down with her and have the conversation.  She's 23 and an ADULT..........leave her be.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    How come you never taught your daughter any street smarts or living skills? That was YOUR responsibility as parents, and you failed miserably at it. No wonder she's shacked up with the first guy who came along. I don't envy you your situation, but there's not much you can do about it now. Psychology is a good field to go into, but one has to be responsible about doing so- and your daughter isn't. Her baby daddy is a member of a cult. Mormonism isn't a true religion. So I don't blame you for being worried about the girl. But at some point, you have to cut the apron strings and let her grow up, and make her own mistakes. That's tough, I know. But it's necessary.

  • April
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    There's not much you can do at this point. She should have been taking precautions in the first place. However, I will tell you the more you give in this situation, the more she'll take. So you'll need to decide if you want to take care of her kid until she's better established (if she has a plan.) If not, tell her to apply for low income housing.

    A few years ago a friend of mine moved out of state and had a baby with a guy at age 19. The relationship didn't last long, so she and the baby moved back in with her mom. At age 23, she got remarried to someone else and then moved out.

  • edward
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Well...my best friend got his girlfriend pregnant when they were 16, they weren’t in trouble of the relationship ending though, at the time they were in love.  They had the parents support but they were 16.  Anyway, we all finished high school together, on time and we went to university at the same time...they turned out fine, they’re not together anymore, the break up was amicable.  Very good at co parenting thier 11 year old kid.  At 24 it’s an appropriate age to be getting married and having kids.  Although those two things should be happening in that order

  • 1 month ago

    You should talk to her about her options in the future.  Whether or not you will continue to shelter her from adult responsibilities and realities, and if not what options exist instead.  It is important you recognize her as an adult, perhaps for the first time.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You need a contract so she knows exactly how much you and your spouse can realistically help and how much she'll need to do on her own. For example, a condition of her staying at your house rent-free might be getting a part-time or weekend job and setting aside a percentage of the income for baby essentials. She might need to hear right now that you and your spouse will *not* be buying the crib, diapers, etc. Also, I think it's completely fair to request that she not smoke weed (or tobacco) for the health of the baby. Your house, your rules.

    I would also insist she learn some basic cooking techniques from you and your spouse and then be responsible for preparing her own meals. Someday she's going to want healthful food for her child, not processed heat-and-eat crud for literally every meal. 

    Best of luck. I'd set up the contract now so that she can in turn have a talk with her boyfriend, or even better yet, include him in the talk and express your concerns so that you can all come up with a fair plan together and they realize what they're going to have to contribute for their little one.

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