Cierra asked in Social SciencePsychology · 3 months ago

Do victims of emotional abuse tend to defend the people that emotionally abused them? ?

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  • 3 months ago

    My EX (!!) abused me emotionally for over TWO DECADES. I defended him/made allowances because part of the abuse is to manipulate the victim into believing it's all THEIR fault. The victim normally has low self esteem and the abuser picks this up early and takes full advantage. It's all a sick twisted  (power) 'game' by the abuser. Depending on the personality of the victim, the time this goes on is varied. But, ultimately, the victim see's through it and will begin to stand up to them. That the abuser usually sticks to the 'tried and true' methods helps a lot - after the victim stands up to them, the abuser will use another 'tactic'. But the damage has been done and the victim isn't so easy to fall for it for the same length of time they did before they stood up to them. I refuse to blame myself for being 'weak' - but more that my love was abused and taken advantage of. Loving someone is not 'my' weakness. And I'm a stronger person because not only did I stand up to them - I wiped them out of my life! He didn't 'grow' - I later heard he was doing the same things to his new girlfriend - who didn't let him get away with it (there IS a God!) People who have never experienced this are ignorant to judge people who have. The victims have enough of a hard time struggling to survive/ keep their sanity, they don't need 'judgements' from people who have no idea! BTW - in the beginning, he also beat me. The fifth time, I had drunk a bottle of sherry and went off my head and began to throw FURNITURE at him. A chair hit him in the knee and he began to back off. I followed him and repeatedly kicked him in the knee and asked him how tough he was beating a woman. His knee was so swollen the next day, he could barely walk. He NEVER hit me again - just got more devious with the emotional abuse. Abusers may stop something if you get back at them, but they replace it with something else. The only way to really beat them is to WALK AWAY without ever looking back . . . 

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