Nat
Lv 4
Nat asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 1 month ago

Keep getting told I’m unfriendly at work. It’s annoying. What do i do ?

I’m a 21 year old female. I have a very healthy social life outside of work, but with most people at work I just don’t care. I don’t care about being their friend. I don’t care about their lives. I just don’t care. 

I’m not really an introvert but I’m selective of who I hang out with and once I have my set few friends, don’t really care about branching out more. So I have had 2 jobs. The first I liked a lot, I still work there. One girl said during my interview process I’m Cold and that it’s something I should work on. 

To be honest I don’t want to. I feel like as a woman my cold face and vibe gives me an advantage and makes people significantly less likely to **** with me or try any stupid ****.

I didn’t get an offer from another firm. No one in my division did Bc covid, even though my performance review was stellar. 

Anyway, my manager is this 45 year old woman and she complained she felt she didn’t get to “know” me which I thought was painfully stupid because we have literally nothing in common. I also forced myself to go to a social event at work and ate raspberries, then this annoying middle aged man commented on raspberries being in season. It was so weird. 

Update:

So you guys know what I want to do I want to be a lawyer but have no interest in working at a large firm. I pretty much want to do my own thing. 

I also like politics and get along with people in those settings pretty well 

27 Answers

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  • Trish
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    The saloon door swings both ways are they being friendly with you... It takes two even though you don't care to make friends sounds like they aren't trying to hard either.

  • 1 month ago

    I was just like you from the time I started work at 17 until I was 24. It never ever benefitted me to be rude or unfriendly so I learned how to fake being nice. I deal with anxiety and sometimes it’s hard to be really nice when I don’t want to but it goes a longer way ! Trust me! 

  • 1 month ago

    You'll spend half of life at work, you'd be better off if you got along. Not saying you need to be bff's with everyone, but get along.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You have a lot of maturing to do.  You sound like a spoiled brat.  This comment is why I say that:  

    To be honest I don’t want to. I feel like as a woman my cold face and vibe gives me an advantage and makes people significantly less likely to **** with me or try any stupid ****.  

    You are so WRONG about thinking that gives you an advantage.  A REAL advantage is knowing WHEN to use that cold face and vibe and when to turn it off and be friendly.  It is possible to do both.  

    Having a healthy social life outside of work means nothing when it comes to being able to advance yourself in a job.  Your social group is most likely made  up of your age grouping.  You have not learned how to mingle and associate with other age groups even if you don't truly have anything in common.  You can make a small effort to know a little something about the people you work with.  It doesn't mean you will hang out with them after work.  You are missing out on building a social network that might eventually advance your career.If you eventually want to "do your own thing" - you are still going to need a network of people that know you - like you - and will refer business to you.  The connections you make on your path to your goal can actually build your potential client base for your future goals.So - either continue to be unapproachable and cold or work on REAL social skills that will actually get you to your goals in life.  REAL social skills involve interacting with everyone even when the other person has little or nothing in common with you.  

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  • You like feeling self important, maybe your a possible narcissist who knows. 

    Ok so, if what you say is true about your becoming an attorney, don't count on it, you can't have an attitude like yours and be a successful lawyer, you must have the ability to cajole, charm, and be a liked person in command to your witness and most importantly to the jury, and with your attitude the jury will not trust you or your witness. 

    *Bottom line for any job, do you want a job or do you want people to cater to you, you want your coworkers to tiptoe around you, avoid bothering you... You will not have a job long. 

    *Simple solution, learn how to smile and be courteous to your coworkers.You don't have to go party with them or date them or be besties forever. Just go to work and get along with others....You want a paycheck?           

  • 1 month ago

    You seem stucked up, later in life you will regret your actions. At work they can make it hard for you? Fake it to you make it. Change, someone will do that to you someday

  • 1 month ago

    You don't have to have people in your life just to be pleasant during your work hours and to feign a little interest in your co-workers. It's sometimes thought of as being professional. Hope you're thinking of corporate law because who is going to want to put anything in your hands if you come across like Nurse Ratched.

  • 1 month ago

    You get what you give. Having good work relationships if very important. You're at work more than you are at home. Refusing to get to know your co workers does make you a cold and uncaring person.' But you are in fact cutting off your nose to spite your face'. 

    You want colleagues to want to work with you. You want to get to know who is good at what skills. 'You do this for me and I'll do this for you' It's a collaboration and you would do well to do for them what you would like them to do for you.

    Positive connections will serve you well now and in the future.

  • 1 month ago

    You are right to be how you are you didn't come to work to make friends so just igore them

  • CB
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You have to get along to go along (up the corporate ladder).

    You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar (When you need someone on your side or at least not against you making allies is a very good thing - you can skirt red-tape, get things done faster) 

    You spend 8+ hours a day at work why not make it fun. No one is forcing you to socialize outside of work (but not a bad thing once in awhile).

    Be the weird grumpy (stuck-up) colleague, that is fine but you damn well better have some amazing skills not found anywhere else or you will be left far behind because NO ONE will have any interest in communicating with you for any reason.

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