What can I do to treat my daughter equal to my stepdaughter, when my stepdaughter has more?

My stepdaughter's mother has bought a champion dressage horse and my stepdaughter is having lessons, she has already won 2 trophies. My daughter is in tears because she wants to be treated the same as my stepdaughter. How do I tell her that some people can afford more than others.

My husband has already recorded, and watched her during competition and showed it to us on the computer and my daughter burst out into tears. How can I make this right for my daughter?

Now my daughter is wondering when she is getting a horse too.

My husband didn't have anything to do with the purchase of this horse or the cost of the club that my stepdaughter belongs to.

Both my stepdaughter and my daughter are close in age. When my stepdaughter's grandfather passed away, there was a huge inheritance, that set up my stepdaughter and her mother for life.

I just want things to be equal between my daughter and stepdaughter so both will be happy, it seems that it's not happening.

Update:

@ Pearl L, I have gone over the whole situation with my daughter, she understands that our net worth is very much lower than her half sister and her mother. Don't you think this upsets me too? And should my stepdaughter share her horse with my daughter? sure I do, whatever my stepdaughter has and my daughter has they should share, but my stepdaughter's maternal family are wealthy and her mother doesn't have to share a thing. And it pi$$ me off 

Update 2:

@ J, My stepdaughter doesn't bring anything of value or interest to our home, she just brings over an iPad that she uses for homework and communication with her mother. It doesn't have much on it, just a few iBooks, and no internet connection unless she needs to talk with her mother on Skype. Her clothing size is too small to fit my daughter, so they can't share clothing. 

Update 3:

And all my stepdaughter's valuables are left at her mother's house, so those things are impossible to share. Her mother made sure that nothing of value came to our home. My stepdaughter is 12 and my daughter is 13. we have been to my stepdaughter's mother's house before and there is a swimming pool and a tennis court, so my daughter is resentful and I don't blame her.

Update 4:

@ J, My husband said he understands and won't record any of his daughters competitions anymore, but his ex-wife is recording them and posting the recordings on facebook. Since my daughter and I share a facebook account to talk to relatives, I now have to be careful where my daughter goes on facebook.

6 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    My daughter married a man who had a daughter close to the same age as my grandaughter,  His EX wife invited my granddaughter to all and everything she had for her daughter,  they were like real sisters,  and loved each other.  it is still so.  As long as the half sister doesn't rub everything in her face,  I would just try to make her understand.    I think it would not be a big deal if the rich daughter would invite the half sister over for a visit to enjoy some of her good fortune,  but that is probably not the half sister fault,  she has a mother who could do a lot to help the situation,   The girls mother is probably trying to punish the father.

  • 4 weeks ago

    So it's not just your daughter who wants what is impossible, it's you too. No shared blood, no shared heritage.... you just tell her!  Nothing can be equal. Everything is equal. A horse is not a symbol of equality. Your daughter lives with her stepsister's Daddy and she does not. A horse is not a Daddy. Your daughter has the bigger prize. Teach her to be nice about it. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    Wow, lol, apple has fallen right next to the tree and is putting out roots!! 

    Kinda makes me wonder if you and your daughter were the rich side, would you be inclined to share with the greedy, grasping poor side. 

    Methinks not. 

  • J
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago

    You don’t say how old your daughter is, but it’s time she learned the difference between rich people and poor/middle class. She may be upset, but she will eventually get over it. Just explain that your stepdaughters mother has a lot of money, and life isn’t always fair. Make a rule in your house that anything she brings over from her mothers house she will have to share. Obviously she can’t bring the horse, but I’m sure she has a lot of other nice things that you haven’t been able to buy for your daughter. Make sure that everyone is equal in your house, but you can’t control what she gets from her mother. Just try not to rub it in your daughters face. If your husband wants to attend her equestrian competitions, that’s great, but don’t record it and make your daughter watch it. 

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • 4 weeks ago

    just tell her what you told us

  • helene
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Unless your daughter is 6 or 7, she's acting like a baby. 

    Tell her she's not getting a horse because you can't afford one, and too bad if she thinks it isn't fair, and quit crying about it.

    Edit: You know what? After reading your updates, I'm changing my answer. You are eaten up with covetousness. THAT's where your daughter gets her bad attitude.

    Quit pretending this is about "sharing" and fairness. It's about you. Your husband's EX-wife is under no obligation to share ANYTHING with you and your daughter. And boy, you resent that, don't you?

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.