How to deal with SO that is mourning an ex. ?

My bf and I have been together over 4 years now, we live together. Recently he’s confessed to me hes been having a hard time dealing with his ex that passed away a few months before we met (they were broken up for a year but dated for 6 on and off) they had a lot of bad history together and never had closure. Our relationship has been hard but Im glad hes confided in me about this and ive encouraged him to talk about her to me if he wants and to visit her resting site. Now that hes talking about it hes been telling me he doesnt know how hes ever going to be okay in his life and if hell ever truly be “happy”. Hes even said sometimes he feels guilty that he loves me. He has an instagram that he uses to post fun stuff and doesnt post pictures of us because he doesnt want it to be “personal” yet the other day he posted about visting his ex, this wouldnt of bothered me if he didnt tell me he didnt want anything personal on there, he did take it down when i expressed this to him. I feel bad for even telling him that bothered me but i feel like im at a breaking point. Im starting to feel like a rebound and ill never be loved as much by him. Its got me thinking if i should end this relationship and hopefully date someone with less baggage. 

3 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Try to encourage him to seek professional help to get over his lost love. He needs some help, or this will in time lead to a break up. You are the rebound.

  • 1 month ago

    I hope you can talk to him about it. 4 years is a long time to quit now. Her passing happened before you met, so it's kind of strange that it's finally becoming an issue in your relationship. But yes, talk to him and tell him how you feel. It seems like you've been supportive in his mourning process, but make sure you tell him that you want him to consider your feelings too. It's really not fair that you feel like "second place", not even getting a presence on his social media.

    I wish you the best. I hope everything works out.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    With painful romantic experiences (such as the end of their relationship), closure often comes in the healing. So for your SO to have closure, his healing needs to advance. I think you can either be by his side when he deals with it or politely bow out, and both sound like acceptable things to do. You both are communicating about the tough things in life, this is a very good thing, so keep this in mind while you are making decisions. I can see how you feel like a rebound, but I wouldn't consider you to be one. You've been together for 4 years and have gotten to a real honest point with each other. Relationships aren't all butterflies and honey, there can be tough parts as well. Wishing the best for you both. 

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