Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 month ago

can someone help me with my poem? im going through something right now and writing poems are very therapeutic but i’m stuck.?

my boyfriend just broke up with me and this poem is basically about how i’m feeling.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    This is what I would do or say:

    Leave out "and" in the 4th line. 

    You have a face covered in tears, and your eyes are what?  sad?

     

    List four more lines of how you feel. 

    Use the 5 senses as a guide.

    How do you speak?  What would you say to him?

    What do you hear?  

    Eyes - tears

    Mouth, speech -

    Hear ~ What did you hear from him?  What did he hear from you?  

    Feel - wounded with scars

    Taste - salty tears, bitterness, anger, rage

  • "Real"

    You left me with permanent stars.

    My head, it reels and reels.

    I spin in a hurricane, the eye,

    Left for what is truly real.

    Try to understand that.  I hope things work out for you.  Your heart isn't for sale. It's a treasure to be given to someone in trust.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Well, "scars" and "wounds" are among the most overused, clichéd metaphors in all of teen angst/rejection poetry. Unless you're saying that your ex left you with LITERAL scars and wounds, in which case, either (1) man, that sounds like some fun BDSM action, or (2) if that wasn't the case, you need to call the police and have the S.O.B. arrested.

    But kudos for avoiding the word "void," at least so far. 

  • 1 month ago

    In quicksand, hopefully.                       

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  • 1 month ago

    I love everything about you and Life will be dull without you.

    I treasured every moment that we had together you will alway be my forever... 

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