Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

Should I forgive my rapist?

He was my cousin, and we were both 16 at the time.

We both came from abusive families, and that's part of the reason why we were so close.  

His abuse was worse than mine, which lead him to start drinking and using drugs.

One night, he couldn't take it anymore, and asked his mother to leave with him.

His father was the one who was physically and sexually abusive him and his mother.

She refused to leave him, which made my cousin so angry that he got into a heated fight with his dad.

He felt so betrayed my his mother.

He called me very high and upset, and asked if he could come over.  He said that he didn't trust himself to be alone.  (meaning, he thought he might hurt himself)

I was home alone, and invited him over.

He was so upset, and I was trying to calm him down.

He started trying to kiss me, but I stopped him.  He got really angry after that, pinned me down and raped me.  

After that, he ran away, and no one saw him again for a long time.

I never told anyone what happened.

It messed me up worse than I already was, and lead to a lot of problems.

I ended up in a hospital for awhile after I attempted suicide.  

Some years later, he tried to get in contact with me, but I refused.

It had been 12 years since that happened, and a few months ago, I agreed to meet with him.  

He explained himself, and apologized many times.  He was even in tears.

He said that he was in so much pain, and felt powerless in his life.

He said that what happened was his biggest regret that has 


haunted him ever since, and that it has taken him years to work through his own trauma.

I believe him 100% that he regrets what he did.

I can see it in his eyes how sorry he is, but I still haven't worked through what happened to me.

It has altered my life in so many ways.

I want to forgive him, but just don't know if I can.

Thanks for reading this.  Sorry it was so long.

Thoughts?  Opinions?

9 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    You don't have to forgive him. If one of these days you feel in your heart that you want to forgive him. Not to forget, but to let go of what happened to you, then that is okay too. But please don't feel pressured to forgive just because he regrets it and feels horrible for what he did. It was a horrible act and it changed your life. The decision to forgive is yours and yours alone, without influence from others. I support your decision no matter what!

  • 1 month ago

    Hell no!

    He committed a crime, a felony.

    He is a criminal and all criminals "feel bad" about having committed a crime when it comes to going to jail for it.

  • 1 month ago

    If he has gone unpunished, you have to give him to the police. No matter what. Then maybe, you could forgive him.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    . No. Not at all. He took a very precious thing from you. Forgiveness... HAHahaha... Break him. that's my advice. Rape... is absolutely not tolerated. But your a normal human being not a psychopath like me! so. I'd still say no but don't like try to murder him or anything. I'd give him a knife to the chest because if i was going to kill myself I'd want to take him down with me. But I'm just messed up ok. I'm a prime example of what not to do. so I don't know. Up to you.

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    thats up to you

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    He should have been jailed.

  • 1 month ago

    I'm so sorry that happened to you. But most of us aren't qualified to give you an answer. Please, please, to a professional in mental health. We can't help. But personally, I would give it a month of asking yourself if you forgive him. Reach down, WAY down, to the tip of your soul, and ask yourself if you forgive what he did to you.

  • 1 month ago

    You need to discuss this with a professional. Call the nearest rape crisis center. We can't decide whether or not you should forgive him.

  • 1 month ago

    If you haven't discussed this in therapy yet, you should. Clearly if you had worked through what happened to you, you wouldn't need to ask strangers on the internet what to do, you'd already know. Please, get some counseling.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.