Anonymous

How to deal with parents regarding college?

I am 23 years old turning 24 years old. My parents have been 100% set on me attending college since the first day it came up in high school. However, after attending community college my first year I realized I was not ready and ended up dropping a class and flunking a few. I was also dealing with coming to terms with my sexuality at that point and mentally I was not ready.

The year after I got employed full-time and was pretty content with my job but after constant arguing with my parents they would not budge. My mom was insistent I quit my job and just go back to school. Same result, grades were not good.

Last fall they went as far as applying to college for me and inquiring pretending to me through writing emails in a way that I would and signing with my name

This same situation continues on to this day they simply wont take no for answer. I just got a new full time job which pays enough for me to move out in the next few weeks. I do enjoy the job. My mom is also fully against me working full-time, she says 38hours is way too much.

College with always be there, its not exactly going anywhere and if I find in the future I need to further my education I will do so. I am just unsure how to deal with my parents anymore there mind only goes one way. I know they are doing this out of love but making my decisions for me is not benefiting them or myself.

Update:

I do accept that my repetition of behavior was a  big mistake. I take full responsibility.

6 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    Find another alternative maybe not college but another alternative.

  • 1 month ago

    You're an adult, so act like one. Tell your parents that college is NOT right for you. You do not have the abilities, interests, and other requirements to succeed. You're dashing their dreams, but trying to live in their fantasy-land is hurting you, and does them no good, either. Make sure you move out pronto.

  • drip
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Well you can not attend a community college or university this semester.  So that should put off talking about for a month or two. Just tell them you do think about it, just not now this semester.

    Save up your money and move out. Make sure you know all of your financial responsibilities of getting an apartment.  I would be getting an appointment with apartment complex offices righ now. 

    Will they let you take any furniture? Will you have a bed, kitchen supplies to cook, towels, sheets, cleaning supplies, vacuum. There is a LOT of stuff you will need and much of it you will need immediately when you move in. Have you even done grocery shopping for the month, the week? The biggest surprise for my daughter was how much groceries cost. Not to mention person stuff like toiletries. 

    So get your budget and list together. 

    Move sometime this year. And see how it goes for you.  You may want to think about a two year career program or a trade course at your local community college over a Bachelor degree. 

    Tell them you Do think about further education or training. But that isn’t going to happen now with the pandemic. So for the next year at least you will be working. If necessary tell them you do appreciate them thinking about your future, but the need to shelf talk about college for a year. That by constantly bringing it up puts you off the whole thing.

    You got a full time job, get health insurance and benefit. Get a place of your own. Handle your budget wisely.  You are moving forward 

  • J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    College isn’t for everyone. You tried it, and it wasn’t for you. If you make enough money to support yourself, it’s ok to put school on hold for now. You’re right that you can always try again later. You can also try a trade school or apprenticeship program. Tell your parents that you respect that they want the best for you, but it’s your life and you have to live it your way. If they keep bringing it up, just tell them you don’t wanna discuss it anymore. 

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  • John
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    You are not looking at the problem correctly.  Your difficulty only manifests itself through the subject of college; college is not the real issue.  The actual dynamics are based in the fact you have domineering parents, and that you have taken a longer time than normal to reach psychological adulthood.  Once you become independent, you need to make conscious efforts to avoid falling back into the same behavior patterns.  

  • 1 month ago

    You can't change their minds, and its theirs to have, but moving out is a great first step. Then you just have to either avoid these discussions, politely, but firmly, or try to just not engage in them at all. Yes, your parents are fixated, but you are an adult and will have yo learn how to deal with many sorts of people.  Ant college inquiries, throw in the trash. When they start in you can try and switch the conversation, set a limit immediately (Mom, dad, I know ...But we will just not talk about this....) or physically leave the area. But they are your parents so polite and loving.

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