Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Boyfriend wants to keep our relationship low key because he doesn’t want to hurt his ex feelings. Shady or what ?

I recently got back together with my kids father. I knew we would get back together eventually. We will always have a bond because we were each other’s first love AND we kids together. I’ve known him since we were teenagers and now we are 36. His ex could never compare to what we have. Even though they were together longer than we were and they were together for 5 years they will never have our bond because we have kids together. Him and his ex broke up 6 months ago because she cheated. He said he was upset because he was planning on proposing to her.  We became an item again because he realized I’m the only woman who has never cheated on him. I also support his dreams and goals instead of holding him back. He said he took me for granted back then and he should have appreciated me. I know he’s in love with me and that he’s never getting back with her But the problem is I’m tired of hiding it from family and friends. He still has all of their pictures up in his Facebook albums. He deleted the cover photo of them on the beach but he still has tons of photos of them on his page. He said he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings by broadcasting the fact we are together because she’s not over him. Why does he care about her feelings- she cheated!!! Seriously??? He said they are still good friends but she’s taking the break up hard.

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  • 1 month ago

    Sorry to say this but if he’s keeping you a secret, and he dated her only 6 months ago... sounds like he just wants rebound sex

  • 1 month ago

    How does he know she cheated? Something smells very fishy to me. Why did you divorce? I think he is playing you for the sucker.

  • 1 month ago

    It sounds like he's keeping it a secret because he might go back to her.  He's mad right now because she cheated on him and if the ex finds out about you she might move on. It does sound shady or his part.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    its very shady..........................

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  • John P
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I think that you are over-thinking his feelings for you, and over-playing your history together. Your spiel is all about you.

    Sure, he likes you and you two have now got back together. Possibly he thinks that you are too intense for him, so he wants to hold on to an earlier life, something outside you.

    "You are tired of hiding it from family and friends"?  Do none of them know that you two have got back together? Really?

    By the way, you are unclear at one point - 'AND we kids together'. Do you mean that you grew up near him when you were kids, or do you mean that you actually gave birth to kids fathered by him? Linguistically it is not clear.

  • 1 month ago

    It's generally very shady when a guy wants to keep a relationship secret. In this case, I'd guess there's still something going on with his ex.

  • 1 month ago

    Record you and your boyfriend having sex then send it to the ex.

  • David
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    We will always have a bond because we were each other’s first love AND we kids together. 

    -  Wrong on both counts.  1st love is typically something other than love.  It is very rare that a "first love" will go the distance.  Kids do not draw people together.  In fact, the stress of having and raising kids tends to drive people apart.  Kids do NOT strengthen a relationship.  Quite the opposite.  Kids TEST the strength of a relationship.  If a relationship has any weakness at all, kids will END the relationship.

    I’ve known him since we were teenagers and now we are 36.

    -  So as far as marriage value goes, he is at his peak...and you are many years past it.  

     His ex could never compare to what we have.

    -  THAT is simply wishful thinking.  All women like to think that their lady parts are magic, somehow...unlike all the lady parts of all those "other" ladies out there that just don't have any special powers at all.

     Even though they were together longer than we were and they were together for 5 years they will never have our bond because we have kids together. 

    -  Again, you have kids together.  That does not equal a bond.  You can have kids together and NOT have a bond.  Or you can have a bond and NOT have kids together.  The second scenario is MUCH more likely.

    Him and his ex broke up 6 months ago because she cheated. He said he was upset because he was planning on proposing to her.

    -  Well, then she was stupid.  Her loss...

     We became an item again because he realized I’m the only woman who has never cheated on him.

    -  You are the rebound chick, then.

     I also support his dreams and goals instead of holding him back.

    -  That is admirable.  But it's not what guys are looking for in a long-term partner.  If he's worth marrying, then he's going to do his own thing with or without your support.  As long as you DO NOT GET IN HIS WAY, then you are welcome to come along on his journey...

     He said he took me for granted back then and he should have appreciated me. 

    -  So he's not marriage material then.  Guys make mistakes, but they do not express regret.  Men worth marrying realize that they always made the best choice, at the time.  NO regrets, ever.

    I know he’s in love with me and that he’s never getting back with her

    -  So you have a crystal ball, then?  Mind looking up next week's lottery numbers?

     But the problem is I’m tired of hiding it from family and friends. He still has all of their pictures up in his Facebook albums. He deleted the cover photo of them on the beach but he still has tons of photos of them on his page. He said he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings by broadcasting the fact we are together because she’s not over him.

    -  That's a joke.  If he's over her, then he doesn't give a crap about her feelings.  If he's got all of their pictures up on social media and he's concerned about hurting her feelings...

    HE IS STILL IN LOVE WITH HER.  No, I'm not guessing on that part.

     Why does he care about her feelings- she cheated!!! Seriously??? He said they are still good friends but she’s taking the break up hard.

    -  Of course she's taking it hard.  They didn't really break up...not emotionally anyway.  She still loves him and he still loves her.

    Even if he fathered your two children, you are a fool to take him back.  He's just not that into you...

  • 1 month ago

    Because he wants to be able to fu*k you and her.  This isn't rocket science.  Probably at the same time.  You should go beat her a$$ or embarrass/humiliate her a few times.  It will send a good signal to him

  • 1 month ago

    You still seem to be making comparisons. Either she is in his life or he isn't, and she appears to be trying to control him - and is succeeding! 

    You say that you are an item, whatever that actually means. Living together? Sex? I get the feeling that he is taking advantage of your kind nature. Telling you porkies, even, (Pork pies - lies). You might want to call him out, and insist that he makes a decision. Your relationship with him is your children's example of how parents should be.

    Good Luck - stop being a doormat!

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