Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 4 months ago

Is it okay as a child to be upset to come home to a messy house?

I just got back from my dads we went on a trip With him my brother his girlfriend and his two kids we managed to keep the house we were staying at neat. And I really love my mom but I have been in a terrible mood bc I got home and the house is a mess and I can’t act mad or I will get in trouble or tell her that the mess bothers me because I was gone for a week so that’s why it’s so messy. I have a 16 year old brother and two younger sisters who are 8 and I am the middle child 14 and feel like I get all the work put on me. Also to add I was dreading coming home because my mom always crys to me about her relationship with my stepdad or who ever and I just really don’t wanna hear it bc of how often it happens I empathize but at some point I can take it. I keep kinda nudging I want to go to therapy bc my family and I have gone through a lot these last three years and she always puts her problems on me she is more of friend than a parent. When she says fine I’ll be a parent not your friend she just gets so rude. Idk this is was kinda a rant and off topic it just alll stresses me out I just wanna be a kid

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  • 4 months ago

    Sit her down and have a conversation about how you feel coming home to a messy home - a calm, civilized conversation. Show her that you clean up after yourself too and that you’d appreciate it if she did too and enforced the rules on your siblings.

    Your mom is human too, sometimes people get lazy, sometimes they get depressed and aren’t motivated to do anything. Sometimes it’s hard to help that feeling especially if she has a lot of pressure about how her significant other makes her feel. 

    Although she’s your parent, it doesn’t hurt to listen to her when she’s expressing herself, she might not have a friend she confides in to tell it to. Try sharing some of your experiences as well. Counseling and therapy sounds like a good idea for everyone in your family. Talking to someone can help with a lot of things. If she’s unhappy in her relationship, encourage her to leave so that you no longer have to hear of it.

    I’m sure you’re old enough to understand that pressure can make people act in ways you’re not used to. We’re all human.

  • 4 months ago

    I'm sorry you are in this situation. I think you are quite right to ask for counseling. Any trained therapist will quickly see that this is a family problem and not just yours, if you go. Ask your father , if your mother won't do it. Ask your doctor, because sometimes, often, if the recommendation comes from another professional, it will be more often heeded.  Perhaps you might like to consider living with your real father for the time being, ask for this, too, if you wish.  Do know that you are not to blame, or that solving these problems will be entirely up to you alone. Good  wishes, good luck, 

  • I understand. It's difficult living in the same house with a bunch of lazy slobs.

  • 4 months ago

    I used to get annoyed while walking my dog and seeing other people's dog poop, and think nasty things about them.

    Now I just pick it up and thank God I'm not broken (at least, in that manner).

    If you like a clean house, set aside your feelings about how unfair it is to have to clean up other people's messes, and tidy up.

    But feel free to shame them, and develop ways of deflecting and reflecting their ridicule back on them. Take pictures. Before and after. 

    Be proud of your efforts to maintain a clean and healthy environment.

    One day you'll be gone out of their lives, in your own place, and you'll have developed healthy habits that you can be proud of when you bring a date home for the first time.

    (I wish I had your "problem" when I was younger - but I found a wife that keeps me on my toes, thank God.)

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  • 4 months ago

    The messy house is obviously the responsibility of your 16 year old brother and your mother....it's not your problem.  You can be facetious and "compliment" your older brother on what a fabulous job he did keeping the house tidy and clean while you were gone a week....(keep smiling at him when you compliment him and then say you REALLY mean it!)

    You're right,  You are not your mother's therapist or marriage counselor and yoou should remind her of that.  When people whine and complain to me I often just ask them...."This is a problem and so WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HELP YOURSELF?  What are YOU DOING ABOUT THIS?"  Because this puts on the emphasis on them helping themselves. 

    Now, you need to help yourself.  Ask to see a counselor at your school.  Another resource is to call the Boystown Helpline at  1 800  448-3000.

    You can call 24/7 because it is toll free, you can be anonymous and they are staffed with professional adolescent counselors who will be glad to help you and give you good advice.

  • 4 months ago

    Id tell her you're a kid she needs to keep her relationship private and make some better choices for her family.

    Shes tired...and doesnt care

    I wouldnt clean up all the mess. Clean up yours.

    You are stressing yourself out because you dont like the mess and its your burden...thats stressful...use your energy and start cleaning

    Less is better, i trash clutter

    Id work hard on saving to move out

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    maybe you should offer to clean it up

  • ?
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    As far as your Mom's whining goes, just tell her sorry to hear that right off the bat, turn around and go do something else.  Don't indulge her moaning and whining. 

    And about the house - you're not responsible to keep the house clean.  If your mom is a pig and wants to live like an animal, then i guess she does.  Keep your own space clean and let the rest alone.  

    Where i live, i have a space to myself which is essentially a room.  The rest of the place is a nightmare.  I ignore it... if i have to use the kitchen i disinfect the counters before i prepare food and clean up whatever i mess up. Same for the bathroom.  I'm not going to follow a bunch of adults around who live like messy toddlers cleaning up after them. I have a life, and other things to do, so why should i feel responsible for someone else's mess?  I don't, because i am not

  • car253
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    Well Gypsyfish just gave you the perfect answer.   So, I will just agree.   See if your dad can get full custody of you.     If your mom's not happy with your step-dad they maybe should separate.   But that is HER problem, not yours.      Not a lot you can do about a messy home.   Just count the years until your able to move out.   You only have 4 more years.   So, just hang in there.   

    Your mom needs counseling.    She needs someone to listen to her problems.  Unfortunately that is you.   Just listen to your mom's problems.   Just let her know you are not there to fix her problems, only to listen.   

    Try to get out of the home.   Talk to your dad about going to live with him if possible. And, keep posting more questions.   Your doing just fine.   

  • 4 months ago

    I'm sorry. Your mother has no idea what being a mother means. You can't do much about that. You can't change other people. Is your dad interested in getting custody of you? Most courts will listen to what kids your age say about where they want to live- if you can get him to file with the court. Otherwise, all you can do is keep your own space the way you want it, and try to make things better for your younger sisters. 

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