Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

My wife believes our love life revolves around her. ?

Just what the title says. Im 30 years old. Ive been married just a little over 3 years. Because of our beliefs we waited to have sex until we were married. Since being married my wife doesn't want to do anything physically intimate unless she wants its. I try my best to keep romance alive.i take her on dates, we cuddle and watch movies, i text her throughout the day, routinely pay for her hair and nails, etc. For example i set up a nice candle light dinner at our house which we both enjoyed. Afterwards she  changed into her night clothes and went to sleep. I tried to make a move and she said was tired. Which is her excuse most of the time, which i get cause we both work full time. When i try to being up the issue she gets offended and flip it and say that what she doing isnt good enough. I think deserve sex more than once a week seeing that work 50+hours a week and pay ALL the bills. How do i discuss this issue with het wothout it turning into a fight 

36 Answers

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    "my wife doesn't want to do anything physically intimate unless she wants it"     Are you saying you want her to have sex even when she doesn't want to?

    "My wife believes our love life revolves around her"   No she doesn't.   She either doesn't want sex or is withholding sex.   That's a symptom of a more serious underlying relationship problem.

    You need couples therapy.   I can virtually guarantee you that you don't have a clue what the actual problem is, and if you think it's all your wife, you're dumber than a box of rocks.

  • 2 months ago

    my friend... it be like that sometimes

  • 2 months ago

    You could ask her... But I would lean towards keeping yourself pleased..  You were not placed on the planet to not have sex..  If she won't open up, then you both should seek council. Men, we know what you are going through because women go through it too..  "Honey, we should plan an intimate night somewhere besides home, like on a date somewhere ROMANTIC.."   Get her out of the house.. even if you can't afford it..  She is worth it....  make sure the bath is bubbles and there is Rose pedals on the bath floor, and don't forget Candles.. and if you DON'T smoke..  bring a lighter..   dude, don't forget the lighter...    wine,,  no hard stuff..       make sure you please her first and second, and then home..

  • zvo
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Welcome to real life.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Herein lies one of the problems in waiting until marriage to have sex. You can't possibly know if your libidos are in sync or if you like the same things in bed. Unless you're callous you surely don't want her to just go through the motions and fake it. But if this is important to you you're both going to have to work out some compromise. Get into some marriage counseling to see if this can be resolved. 

  • 2 months ago

    If you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship, this might sound familiar: You and your partner tumble into bed at the end of each day completely exhausted, promising yourselves you’ll have sex tomorrow. Then that tomorrow-sex rarely comes, pun fully intended.

    I often hear about how difficult it is to make time for intimacy while leading hectic lives. It’s why I swear by scheduling sex in relationships. This is exactly what it sounds like: sitting down with your partner and marking sex dates into your calendar.

    Scheduling sex is an amazing way for partners to keep intimacy and satisfaction alive.

    1. Figure out a day and time that works for both of you.

    2. Actually put it in your calendar.

    3. Be flexible about what kinds of intimacy are involved.

    4. Do your best to stick with the schedule.

    5. Lean into the anticipation.  

    Look, I get that “scheduled” can sound synonymous with “so dull I want to cry.” It’s not. While this tactic won’t work in every relationship, scheduled sex creates anticipatory excitement for some people. It sets the sex date into your routine along with the opportunity to explore new sexual terrain.

    Scheduling sex might seem boring, but scheduling a date, party, or vacation doesn't make it less fun.

    Long-lasting sexual excitement is built on the unknown, the new, and the exploration of fantasy. Capitalize on that here. You might think of a different, intriguing sex position.

    Also get these tickling sex moves FIRST result on Google, just copy & paste search the phrase: 365 SEX MOVES COUPLESEXGUIDE

  • 2 months ago

    Everything you’ve typed here - don’t say ANY of this to her. 

    When you talk to her about it, do NOT bring up the things you do for her because that will likely end it chaos. Instead just ask her why she seems to not be in the mood most of the time and explain that you love her so much that you want to have her more often 

  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You need a marriage councelor before it gets worse.  Both should strive to fulfill each other's sexual needs.  She's not doing her part.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    If she doesn't want sex, then she doesn't want sex. Other than leave her, there's not much you can do. My partner lost his sex drive because he was depressed and I felt really rejected. He's recovered now and wants sex but I can't get in the mood because every time I recall the rejection and I enjoy the revenge of being able to reject him (which is really unhealthy, I know.)

  • 2 months ago

    I totally feel your pain. I am going sort of through the same thing. My husband always comes up with some excuse. This been going on for 16 years. I would say talk to her about but it won't work because it will only start a fight. I'd say try anyway. You just never know. From what your saying here it sounds like your doing all the right things. Man I wish my husband would be more attentive like that. I hate to say this but maybe stop giving her so much attention for awhile and see if things are different. That is my only decent advice to you. If i was your wife and i noticed you stopped giving me attention I'd be very worried. Let me know how you make out. Cheating is definitely not the answer or threatening her that you will get it elsewhere. Goodluck i really hope it works out for you.

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