how do I get America to recognize drunken gift cowboy as the new 4th of July mascot?

how do I get America to recognize drunken gift cowboy as the new holiday mascot for forth of July? there isn’t a need to celebrate America rn but we have to celebrate something.

drunken gift cowboy gives gifts to all boys and girls of all ages from July3-5 (“known as frontier days”).

additional details: 

DGC (drunken gift cowboy) is also the patron saint of Arbor Day and believes in wearing a mask and sociat distancing 

he’s always a little drunk 

he came to earth after space horse crashed in Texas in the 1800s and shapeshifted because his parents said it “would protect” him to look like a human but then his parents got killed so he doesn’t remember how to shape shift or what he used to look like on account of being the only person of his race on earth

drunken gift cowboy is not a sexual being he doesn’t get earth sex but is sexy in his nature and hot like a dad

he drinks root beer so he can be used for family friendly advertsing but secretly he has some whiskey in there 

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Doubt you will.  The cowboy is not a particular popular image.  Drunkenness is not an acceptable behavior any more.

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