Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 weeks ago

Can’t accept wife’s past?

My wife and I have been together for almost 20 years,  not married the whole time but committed the whole time.    The problem is that I have never been able to accept that she has been with 3 men before me.    We met when she was 19 and I was 22.   By that point I had been with 5 women. 

I have read about retroactive jealousy and have considered the double standard many times.  With that said is her past typical for that age woman.   CDC says average lifetime partners is 4.3 and that puts her right at the average,guess that a good sign.  

I’m not looking to hear from any extremist saying she’s a saint or a whore.   My marriage is close to ending and I need to hear sensible words from reasonable people.  Is her sexual experience before me unacceptable.  

73 Answers

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  • 3 weeks ago

    Maybe she can't accept yours! Did you do the mail lady too?

  • 3 weeks ago

    3 guys before you and you’re upset? You sound like an insecure guy with a small penis. If you wife wants to be bedded by a real man tell her to email me. 

  • ron h
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    You asked this a couple of months ago.  Did you not like the answers then?

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Wow met my partner when she was 18 and I was 22 she’s had more than 3 and I’d had plenty more than 3 i knew when we got together she’d been a little busy in her past, we were both tested before any acts took place and were fine we’ve been together 9 years happily, I took her knowing her past and I’m sure you knew this figure of your partners when you got with her which I’d say isn’t rather low to be honest, so why after 20 years is this a problem? Everyone has a past, have your 20 years together been loving happy and faithful? If so why ruin that over something you knew 20 years ago and that you can’t change? If you wanted a Showroom spec model why did you pic a used one? I don’t understand why it’s took this long to start being so bothered you weren’t this bothered when you started dipping your wick in her were you? Maybe you should leave her and do her a favour

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  • KTJoe
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    No putting wife out but I think you're having an affair, and looking for a way out. All she did you did prior to marriage as a couple of young people should have no bearing, once (I, do) was said and both mature adults. Okay.

  • 4 weeks ago

    My wife was in a street gang when she was in high school. She has the scars from knife wounds all over her body, and from cigarette burns on her boobs, to show for it. I have now told you all that she has ever told me. I met her after college after she had escaped from that life style. We have been married over 45 yrs. She has also never told me about any of her past relationships. She just says about all of that, "That was before you." I love her deeply, and respect her privacy. If she doesn't want to tell me, that's OK. I am curious, but will never ask again. She had been a fantastic lover and partner and a wonderful mother to our children. She had a long and successful career in nursing and was well respected for her skills and accomplishments. She does not want to relive the past and I think she feels that I will not think so highly of her if I know her past.

  • 4 weeks ago

    Sex without love is just smushing body parts together to feel good.I've had lots of partners and don't regret most of them,they're memories,not the present.did you know your whole body renews itself (skin cells ect)every 5 years (over 5 years) so they are literally that,just memories.keep with her as later on you'll regret ending it if this is the reason.

    Source(s): Manymen,manymen,manymenmenmen
  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    There's nothing you can do about anyone's past. Question is, how many people did YOU sleep with before you met your wife? It doesn't matter how many people either one of you slept with before you got together and married. Point is, during the time you have been married, have you BOTH been faithful to each other. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    If your marriage is close to ending then why does her number of previous partners matter?

    And if you do go out and find someone new - the odds are that when finding someone similar to your age, their number is going to probably be more/equal to your current wife.

    The history cannot be undone.  I'd respectfully say, focus on the future - it's energy better spent.

  • Jesere
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    You are part of the problem,  immature, insecure and yes double standard. What would you do if the situation was reversed? For her the end of your relationship is a good thing.

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