Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

I'm curious about my mother's side of the family that I never met, what should I do?

Long story short. My mother escaped her abusive family when she was 21 with the help of my father 27 years old at the time. She moved to his country and cut all ties from her abusive family. I never met her parents, her siblings or extended family who she grew up with. I'm 20 years old now and a little curious. As a child I asked her once about her family and she told me not to bring it up because one day she would explain it all to me. About 3 years ago she told me everything and my mother survived hell on earth. She told me that when she escaped her abusive family that she was never going to speak to then ever again after what they did to her and I completely understand. She had me 3 years later and is the best mother in the world and she said that she never wanted me to get to know such cruel people and that she would protect me at all costs. However I am curious.

 My father is German and my mother is a beautiful Angolan woman with some Portuguese ancestry. Two completely different cultures. I din't want to get to know the people who did this to my mother however I am curious to see what they looked like, find out more about them. I want to ask her but she is still traumatized from her past and never brings her family up in discussions. It's just that I feel so curious and don't know what to do because I don't want to hurt her by bringing it up again.

4 Answers

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i wouldnt try to meet up with them if theyre abusive

  • 1 month ago

    You have a choice, of course. Either you can research the cruel people who made your mothers childhood so unhappy, thus reminding her about, or you can drop it for the time being, focus on your present life and work on the future. 

    My own suggestion is to give yourself, say, five years before talking about it again, and focus on building a great future for yourself. 

    Good Luck!

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Your mother "escaped from an abusive family" years ago and cut off all communication.  Have you ever thought your mom may not want them to know where she's located?  Why dig up the past just to satisfy your "curiosity?"  What should you do?  Leave things as they are.

  • 1 month ago

    I am sorry your mom had to go through an experience to traumatic that she had to leave her family. It is very natural for you to want to know about your relatives! It is very important in your search of who you are as a person. In my very personal opinion, you should go ahead and meet your extended family, on your own, without bringing your mom to an environment that was toxic to her. You do have to be very aware that you should not expect your mom to like what you are doing, and much less participate, but I am sure she will not stop you from doing so. 

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