Anonymous

Fear I'm being inappropriate with collegues/worry that I'm crossing boundaries, was this inappropriate?

Im wondering if Ive acted a bit weird. Basically I have a male colleague/boss (im female) who ive not worked with/contacted in a month as i moved work places (tho still with the same company ) He is married and im single but ive always felt a bit awkward around him in a socially anxious way not because of him but ive never had great social skills in general. I want to be friendly with people but worry about being inapproprriate as at the end of the day collegues are not friends. This is the line I’m afraid of accidently crossing and being too friendly, Id hate people to see me as clingy/overfamiliar but I do want friends. I feel that peopleim singlepeople will judge and see me as clingy when im just trying to be friendly.

An example today.. I knew that the collegue had a birthday yesterdaybut noone else had mentioned it and i felt awkward being the only one to text so i didnt. However it just so happened that today I needed some equipment from the base he worked at so i thought id ring him and wish him happy belated birthday in the process.  

He answered and was friendly with me but said ‘are you just ringing for a chat or’ I asked if it had been his birthday this week he said yes and told me what he did for it and helped me with the equipment however it turns out he was on annual leave. I apologised then found out no one else in the team had done anything. I then felt id acted inappropriately and worry he thinks im too overfamiliar.

Update:

Another example.. I do stupid things, the colleague was once talking with another male colleague and asked him if he wanted to go to his running club. He didnt answerhim but I like running so automatically said ‘i’l go’ i said it twice as i was ignored, my collegue looked at me awkwardly and just said ‘well you 2 sort something and let meknow’. I then felt awkward as i knew he wasn't asking me really and it would be inappropriate for me and him to go anyway as im female.

2 Answers

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  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    That seems innocuous enough.   Do not try any follow up 

  • 1 month ago

    You thought he was at work.  You didn't ring on his birthday.  You rang a day later with a request for equipment - a work-related issue and wished him a belated happy birthday in the process.  That was entirely professional.  You were unaware that he was answering from his annual leave.  If you'd known that you wouldn't have rung him at all would you.  There has been no boundary-crossing here and you're worrying unnecessarily.

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