Is there ANY correct way to talk to your wife or girlfriend about her weight gain ?

When my wife tells me about my weight, I hit the gym. If she suggests a new exercise for me...I give it a go.

When I try the above, she gets upset, gets depressed and eats more....

I don't understand why it is so hard to talk to your woman about her weight !

If wanted to cheat on her I would have. If I wasn't attracted to her, then we wouldn't be having sex.

She complains that other women tell her mean things about her weight....yet whenever I try to suggest something she gets upset....

Don't women realize how hard they make it for us...when they push us away for trying to help.

I don't want her to reach a point of no return...that's why I want her to get control of it now while are still in our 20's

Update:

Why is it that when I gain weight...I have to go exercise myself. Go to the gym myself. But in order for her to exercise...I have to go walking with her.. IN ADDITION to all the other physical exercise I'm doing. That means that i have to exercise TWICE as much just to get her to exercise ?

14 Answers

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  • 4 weeks ago

    You seem a little immature to me. Your wife is hearing negative things from her friends. She doesn't need her husband reaffirming what they're saying. Think of how that makes her feel. As for you having "to exercise TWICE as much just to get her to exercise", easy solution. Do it together to begin with. 

    With that said, I believe the same about her, for the most part, for suggesting you do specific things. Maybe tell her, when she does, "Why don't we try it together?" Two birds, one stone.

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Perhaps try a different approach, talk about health. 

    Like 'I love you so much, enjoy doing things together, want to grow old with you, I will make sure I keep fit, let's do it together', WE ave to be healthy'.

    Something like that, a different approach.

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  • 1 month ago

    Dont ! Love her and be happy !

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    This pertains SPECIFICALLY to your wife.  My husband and I worked out together, have for years.  Bicycle, job, walk, diet.

    It's HIS issue, not mine.  I was 120 when he married me, and I'm 120 now.

    If you married someone you can't talk to, that appears to be your problem.  In my marriage, it is NOT "so hard" for my husband to talk to "his woman" about her weight.

    Of course, maybe if you didn't refer to her as "your woman" things would lighten up.

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  • Piero
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    There is nothing you can do that won't be wrong. She's already ignoring the advice of her doctor. Unless you want to spend your productive years caring for a 400# invalid, get rid of her! It will make you a horse's @$$ to her, your friends and probably your relatives too, but the shock might save her life.

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  • 1 month ago

    so you are fat?

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  • 1 month ago

    The issue you probably need to address is the reason for her putting on weight. You say that she gets upset when you try to suggest ideas to help her to lose weight. Does that not tell you anything? People usually overeat because they are unhappy - and low in self esteem. She seems to have ceased to care about herself - possibly because she is insecure in the relationship and concerned that you might look elsewhere. Once you show that you care far more about the person she is rather than her body, she will begin to love herself more.

    Go to work on the cause of the problem - her poor self image and feelings that you may not love her as a person as much as you care about her body. Don't tell her, just do it.

    Reading books like Dr Phil McGraw's excellent Relationship Rescue helps to give us deeper insights into how relationships work. (I wish I got commission, as I recommend it to so many people!). As he writes in the book, it isn't only or people whose relationships are in trouble. There are other excellent books, of course.  

    Good Luck!

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    First, I completely disagree with people telling you to invite her to go to the gym with you.  For a gf, maybe.  But not with a wife.  Besides, you already said your ideas upset her.

    After that it's hard to answer, because you didn't give any indication of how overweight she is.  There's a big difference between being a big chubby vs someone you're starting to be embarrassed about.  It also matters if she's still putting on weight vs she just doesn't like the weight she's been at.

    All I can come up with is the next time she complains about something, don't give ideas.  Ask her what she expects you to do when she mentions this stuff.  It's kind of unfair for her to unload on you and then ignore everything you suggest.

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    • Jerry1 month agoReport

      Why is it that when I gain weight, I have to exercise myself, and take care of it myself...but when she gains weight...I have to go exercise with her in ADDITION to the exercise that I am doing ?

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  • 1 month ago

    Then get serious about it. Give her an ultimatum. Either come to the gym with me 3 times a week and start eating healthy with me or I will not be around. If you are depressed about your weight and what people are telling you about it, then show them that you will do something about it. Go to a doctor and get antidepressants then you can come to the gym and eat healthy. We will go for walks and go swimming together. I will give you 3 months of you loseing weight

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  • Mike
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Yes, if you think there is a serious health issue.  If this is about vanity, then maybe she deserves someone less shallow.

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