Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

His family moved away, but now he won't move away from them. What do we do? ?

My partner of 7 years and I are struggling to find a compromise to this. His family moved from Birmingham to Dorset 2-3 years ago when he was still quite dependant on them. He came to live with my mum and I so he was ok, but they also left behind the mums elderly parents. This has put huge strain on him as he now has to care for his grandad (his Nan is in a home) and he no longer has family support of any kind. They live about 4 hours away, it costs £35 a go in petrol and they have NEVER come to visit us, we always make the effort. 

So from my perspective it seems like they don't really care about him that much. He is always the one to call and visit. We cannot afford to live closer to them. When I finish university I want to live abroad but he doesn't want to leave his family. We just don't know what to do. I find it hard to understand why he won't leave a family that are literally never there for him, and live 150 miles away. His mum, dad, sister and her boyfriend are like a family but he has always been on the outside. For perspective I'm actually very close with my mum and I still want to move abroad. 

We have been round in circles and can't find a compromise. I'm studying journalism and I want to leave the UK for good to live and work abroad. He cannot work and needs me for emotional support, I can't leave him as he has no one else, but I also can't stay, what should we do? 

3 Answers

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  • 1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    He is doing what is best for him, while being dependant on you.. Time to take care of what is best for YOU. 

    His family is more important to him than a life with you. He has made his choice...now it is time for you to make your choice.

    Love and commitment is not about staying with someone because you pity their family dynamic and partner-up because of your codependant relationship.

    Finish up school. Time often has a way of changing thjngs. Perhaps by then, you will have more clarity to make the right choices for yourself.

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  • Teal
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Pity isn't a good enough reason to stay in a relationship and it certainly isn't a good enough reason to sacrifice your career and future goals. You aren't his partner, you are his caretaker. You have enabled him to stagnate and avoid taking responsibility for his mental health. Ask yourself honestly, does he really love you and need you? Or does he love his free ride and being insulated from real life consequences and responsibilities? He has told you upfront what your place in his life is and that his family takes priority over you. I think you already know what you know what you need to do.

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  • 1 month ago

    You’re done. It means that you’re done.

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