Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 2 months ago

How long is too soon to propose?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months after being best friends for 9 years. We both want to get married to each other, but not for a few years, so the engagement would be long-ish if I proposed now. We've both discussed we'd be okay with a long engagement, but I don't know how to make sure we're both ready to make this next step without ruining the surprise of a proposal. 

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    That is a long courtship and engagement why move so slowly...

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  • 2 months ago

    Why does the proposal have to be a surprise? It sounds as if you have agreed to marry already. Congratulations on your engagement.

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  • 2 months ago

    20 years... anytime before BOTH PEOPLE have established educations and careers good enough to be fully self supporting as well as being able to support a kid.

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  • 2 months ago

    My boyfriend of 1998 and I are still unmarried.  

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Being -100 years old is too soon to propose. (Yes, that's rigt, that's not a misprint, -100 years old is too soon to propose.). People have proposed to each other like 5 minutes after meeting, and end up having a great marriage. Even people have proposed to each other before even meeting each other, in the case of an arranged marriage, and they also end up having a great marriage. Simply put, there is never a time to soon to propose. Unless you are -100 years old. 

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  • 2 months ago

    Being engaged doesn't change the likelihood of you two actually getting married or breaking up.  There is no reason to get engaged until you are ready to start making wedding plans.  Either you are ready to make that commitment and start the process or you are not.  If you are not, that's fine.  Wait until you are, whether that is a month, a year, or several years into the future.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    no reason to propose when you already know you want to get married. no rush...

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  • drip
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Couples should discuss in detail about marriage, the expectations of the future, finances, budgets, children, religion, jobs. 

    No it isn’t going to be a shockingly surprise he proposes.  It shouldn’t be. Especially now with the divorce rate sky high.  You need to some serious conversations first.

    My daughter and her husband even discuss a budget for rings and looked online at some.

    She picked out three rings she liked and he bought one of them. She knew they were going to get engaged.  But when it did happen , he went down on one knee and it was still exciting and wonderful. He had a friend lurking in the bushes to take photos of it happening.  The look on her face was pure joy

    Many of her friends have done about the same thing. They really talked things over and knew they wanted to be married before a proposal happened

    A proposal should happen when you are ready to set a date and start planning. About year in advance.  Out of all my daughter’s friends the only one that had a lengthy engagement , just over two years, was because the groom was from another country.  They had a lot of red tape to get through. 

    • Fireplace
      Lv 6
      2 months agoReport

      You did not read the question very carefully. The Asker said it would be he/she who is going to propose to the bf. The Asker is not waiting for a proposal.

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  • 2 months ago

    A proposal shouldn’t come out of the blue. And there’s no point in proposing now if you’re not ready to get married for several years. A proposal isn’t the way to kick off a “hey maybe we should talk about possibly getting married someday” conversation. 

    Try asking him, “what are your thoughts on getting someday?” and see what he says. If he’s open to talking about it then see what his goals are before marriage - college/graduate degree, get promoted at work, pay off student loans or debt, travel (with you or solo?), live together first, etc.

    If he’s NOT open to talking about it, then table it for now. 

    I would wait until you finish school and get on decent financial footing before you seriously talk about marriage. ABSOLUTELY wait on it if you’re under 18, and probably a good idea if you’re 18-22 or 23 as well. 

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  • Barry
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    The built in delay tells me neither of you is particularly keen on marriage. Nothing wrong with that. I just feel you are overthinking the whole matter.

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    • Jerry
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      Engagement should be about getting ready for the MARRIAGE, not about getting ready for the WEDDING. The couple knows they WANT marriage, and engagement lets them determine whether they can work out the compromises and negotiations of HOW to have a strong and happy marriage. 

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