Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsEngagements & Weddings · 1 month ago

What are some signs that a couple has called off a wedding? Did my old high school friend go through a breakup?

Since were those kind of people who only talk on social media now, I don't feel comfortable asking her outright why she is so depressed (even though we were as close as sisters for nearly a decade a couple years back). Some people I know are sort of pressuring me to ask her but I told them it's kind of an awkward thing to ask.

The past year she had been posting all kinds of pictures of her ring, her engagement party, stag and doe (something we have in my country that is sort of like a wedding fundraiser, but a big party at the same time). Now no more wedding stuff. Not even a selfie of her dress when she told me she was going dress shopping a couple months back.

Now she posts black and white selfies with messages to love yourself first, pictures of herself weight training as she had never done before and stuff like that.

I don't want to ask what's wrong if there is nothing wrong in the first place, yet again I feel pressured to by others and she and I were once very close. I just don't know what to do about this.

Just a little more information in the past I've been told I was a bad friend by others for not picking up the signals for their depression, but I was always told it's more polite to mind my own business...what would you do?

10 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    Pretty tacky to have a fundraiser and call off the wedding - the money should have been returned. That being said, if you don't get a wedding invitation, there is no wedding.

    Other people asking you to ask none-of-your-business type questions of your friend is tacky, too. If they want to know, they can ask. That they don't is proof that they know it's not the right thing to do.

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  • 1 month ago

    If others are concerned about her, they can ask her themselves how she's doing. 

    What does it matter what I would do? I'm not you, I'm not her, and neither is anyone else. 

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  • Tj
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Do not let others pressure you. If they want to know, let them ask her. If your friend wanted you to know, she would have told you. Leave it be as is.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Who are these people pressuring you and why are you letting them get to you?  If they're so curious, they can ask themselves.  Your instincts are right.  It does sound like a breakup, and if she wants people to know, she will tell them.  She's learning a tough lesson about putting too much on social media.

    Also, on the depression stuff, again...who are these people who think you're supposed to pick up on signals of it?  It sounds like you've surrounded yourself with a lot of negative types.  People who are depressed often try to hide it, and a friend isn't likely to pick up on this.

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  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If a wedding is cancelled after invitations have been sent, then each person invited should get a second mailing with the information that the wedding will not take place. Other than that, there is no obligation to inform others that a wedding has been cancelled. 

    If this lady wanted to talk about it, she would talk about it. If she'd rather not talk about it, then respect that and leave it alone. 

    If you want to be supportive, then suppress your curiosity about her personal troubles as you do it. You can congratulate her on her new interests. You can tell her you like her and value her as a friend. But don't give in to that urge to satisfy your curiosity. File this in your "I may never know, but I don't need to know" box. 

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You said she seems depressed so ask her if she's upset about something.  As too much time passes she will likely get over the sadness and move on to something else.  Ask her how her wedding planning is going you haven't heard anything in a while and you're interested in knowing how your old friend is doing.  It can't be that hard.

    • Fireplace
      Lv 6
      1 month agoReport

      She doesn't seem to want to really know whether or not she's depressed. She's only thinking about asking because of pressure from others.

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  • 1 month ago

    Why don't you ask how she is, and if she wants to talk?

    You can support without asking about specifics; and if she wants to tell you, she will.

    It's not anyone else's business - and if you talk to her, that remains true

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    It does sound like maybe something went wrong. But if you're not close it's not your place to ask. If other people are telling you to ask her you should just tell them to ask her.

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  • 1 month ago

    If you’re not close enough friends where you actually talk to her on a regular basis, then butt out. Hide her from your feed or Unfriend her, if you cannot stop yourself from being nosey.

    It’s not your problem if other nosey people are rudely trying to get you to bother this girl. Tell them to butt out and then ignore them.

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  • 1 month ago

    Certainly don't pry into her life on behalf of others. They don't want to ask her despite being nosy. They want to use you as a spy. If you want to know and help her genuinely, then ask her and help her......but do NOT tell her business to others. Sounds like the wedding's off doesn't it. If you can meet her personally for a coffee or lunch she may decide to unburden herself to you - but she won't want her misery broadcast to all and sundry for them to gossip about her. Just because you didn't notice someone else's pain in the past doesn't make you a bad person. Trust yourself and your own opinions more than these nosy others who just want to use you to do something they aren't brave enough to do themselves.

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