Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

My wife doesn’t like my friends. What should I do ?

Background: 

My wife and I just got married. We were engaged for 2 years, and have known each other for 3.I’m 26, she’s 24.I have had the same 4 friends since highshool and my fiancée met them within the first 6 months of ya dating. Obviously at the time we were young, college students doing what young people do. We would drink, smoke, have parties with other college friends our age etc). At the time she was cool, but even though my friends haven’t changed all of a sudden she doesn’t want me around them. None of them are married, so that may be the reason. I asked her, and she said she just doesn’t want me around them anymore. The fact I’ve had to argue with her why, and that they aren’t doing anything the more she gets upset with me and says it seems I’m making them priority over her. These are my boys and have never done anything exactly wrong for my wife to address, but she just doesn’t want them around her or me going out to see them. Or if I do, it’s commotion. 

23 Answers

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  • David
    Lv 6
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    OK you are young and haven't been married long, so I can understand that you still don't know how this marriage thing works.

    When you are married, your number one priority HAS to be your wife.  PERIOD.  If you are not ready to make her your number one priority, then simply stated...you should not have married her.

    Marriage is hard work.  You have to make an effort to keep dating a person, even if you are now living with them.  You have to be ready to spend almost all of your free time with one person, IF you want the marriage to work.  

    If you are serious about your marriage, then certain other relationships in your life are GOING to suffer.

    You will know that you are taking your marriage seriously when your parents, your brothers and sisters and your (friends from high school and college) are all complaining LOUDLY that "they never see you anymore".

    Your wife has the right idea, but she doesn't know how to express what she is feeling.  She thinks the problem is your friends.  No, they are a symptom of the problem.  The real problem is that her husband hasn't learned to act like a husband yet.  You shouldn't be spending time alone with your male friends who are not married.  Or, it should not happen very often, like once a year at most.   And as a husband, you should never stay out past 9PM, or you are being rude to your wife and disrespecting your marriage.

    If you are still in the partying mode where you want to hang out all night with your buddies every weekend...

    Then you should not have gotten married.  You have a choice to make.  You can live the single lifestyle (and divorce your wife) or you can say goodbye to your buddies and let them live their single lifestyle without you.

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    • Andrew Smith
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      Unless there are other factors then ditching your friends for your wife means that when she ditches you the result is total isolation.  Does she have any rational complaint to make about your friends?  Or does she just not want you to have ANY friends so that she can dominate you.

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  • 1 month ago

    I can understand her not wanting you to go out with your friends, it's time for you to break away from the pack. I took my wife to be my partner for life, my closest friend. She is supposed to be the most important person in your life, the time to act like she is, is now. Would it be okay with you for her to go out with some of her friends when you go out with yours? I would've rather been with my wife than my friends, she had what I wanted so badly and she outlooked my friends by a looooonnnnng shot. I understand what both of you are saying but I just agree with your wife more, she comes first in your life now and you should be first in hers. 

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    In marriage your wife is your first priority not your friends. 

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    In a marriage you talk things out and stay together.  If something comes between you two you have to let it go...nothing should come between you that goes for both of you.

    When my son was in his early twenties we went through this but he is intellectually disabled.  His friends took all his money as soon as it hit the bank it went on for a year and I don't know if I ever convinced him those guys were not his friends...he stopped hanging around them and giving them his debit card because they would still take the money but didn't let him hang out with them anymore he said.  After another year we happened to move to a different state but I bet he would hang out with them again if he had the chance.

    He didn't see 'his friends' as a problem either.

    You're married now.

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  • Do 'not' ever give up one nano - part of You for anyone!

    I have literally fought for my being - integrity --- for over 37 years!

    Those individuals who are friends, are those who keep us in check.  My own six children cannot give me this nor my husband of over 35 years.

    Those are there for you by no accident my friend.  Nothing in this life happens by 'chance'.  WE need the inside and outside (Positive and negative energy) to keep us balanced.

    When we truly do Love someone, we will make more-than-necessary allowances for them, with no concern for self.  This is sacrifice - over the top, yet we all do it.

    Please be strong within your own being.  You truly don't need to sacrifice anything for anyone and, neither do they.  We can choose to allow 'Blending"!  :D

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  • 1 month ago

    Trade in your spouse for a mule or Barbary Ape.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    she is insecure and wants u to herself,sit her down and let her know ur bro's was there long time ago,without friends ur relationship will get boring.you have gotten yourself in a relationship with a possessive person, 

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    • Ana
      Lv 6
      1 month agoReport

      This person is right ^ 

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Sounds like you're both being a little too absolutist on this. If these friends bothered her so much she should have mentioned it before she married you. However, once married your spouse is supposed to be your priority and your time with your "boys" is supposed to take the backseat. So if you're still carrying on with the same partying schedule you had before marriage you're doing marriage wrong. However I think some marriage counseling could resolve this issue quickly.

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  • 1 month ago

    Your friends are in their mid twenties and haven't changed since their mid teens? No wonder she doesn't want them having any influence over you! You married this woman and you have some responsibility towards her. However, compromise and sacrifice are essential in such a relationship. Reading books like Dr Phil McGraw's excellent Relationship Rescue helps to give us deeper insights into how relationships work. (I wish I got commission, as I recommend it to so many people!). As he writes in the book, it isn't only or people whose relationships are in trouble. There are other excellent books, of course. Make the effort!

     

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  • 1 month ago

    She has matured and I am going to assume when you are around your buddies.....you regress back to being college guys?

    It isnt fair for her to dictate who you spend time with (within reason of course) and "Boys being boys" isnt really a good reason.

    She may not want it going in in your home, but to stop you going out with them is a too far (unless you have given her cause for concern?)

    All you can do is explain once more, calmly that you have been friends with them for years, she knew this when she married you and you will continue to socialise with then a reasonable amount. She is being unreasonable expecting you to drop them

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    • Ana
      Lv 6
      1 month agoReport

      David, you’re a cuckold. If she was expecting that then she should’ve told him before they got legally officially married. She’s springing this on him once she owns half his stuff. It’s BS on how she waited to tell him this until after marriage 

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