Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 4 weeks ago

Being ignored by my mom?

I am a 23F and after I graduated college I moved back home and got a full time job. My mom is strict when it comes to me going out with friends, has gone through my room when I am out, and has locked me out of the house when I missed curfew at midnight by 30 minutes. She's told me that even if I pay rent here she makes the rules and she said when I move out I can make my own rules

I recently found an apartment I interested in, it's close to my job, it's affordable for the location, and a nice apartment overall. I told my mom I was interested and she said I was selfish that I wouldn't pay rent at home and hasn't talked to me at all since, it's been a few days. I love my mom but it's taking a mental toll. I'm most likely going to take the apartment but any recommendations on what to do or how to tell her when I eventually sign the lease?

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  • 4 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    As there's no conversation between you at the moment you can't discuss it with her. She obviously doesn't want to lose her daughter (yes I know she's not 'losing' you but that's probably how she sees it) and doesn't know how to handle it so she sets rules and regulations for you as if you were still a small child. That's sad. Yes you need to move out and you should take your apartment and sign the lease or whatever and make your plans to move out. She'll see your preparations and may start some dialogue. I'd be inclined to tell her at the very last moment and write her a nice letter (however your confrontation goes) to find later. Give her your address and contact numbers and tell her you'd like her to come and see the apartment and help you with ideas for decoration etc. Tell her you love her etc and that you don't want to lose her but you are old enough to lead an independent life. If you ask for her help and advice it might shift her entrenched position. Stay open and welcoming towards her. Don't list her faults etc. Good luck

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  • Raja
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Tell your mom that you are an adult and you need your freedom. Your idea of moving on to new Apartment is excellent .Tell your mom and move out.Visit her during holidays and when ever you are free. 

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  • 4 weeks ago

    If I was you, and I thought there may be a problem with my mom about me moving out.   I would just start moving my things a little at at time,  not so much that she would notice right away.   I would get my most important things first, then if I had to leave some things behind I would do so,  because you can replace them a little at a time.    You will love having your own place, and privacy.

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  • Ann
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Two words for you--move out.  If you have a full-time job, you can afford to get the apartment you want.  Your mother sounds like a control freak who can't acknowledge that you're an adult. You start packing, and get your things ready to move out.  You don't owe her an explanation, since she's not speaking to you, anyway.  She's the one who's acting like a child.  Expect her to throw a tantrum, and maybe even lock you out of the house so you can't move out your things.  If she tries that, get a sheriff's deputy with you to get your things.  Two deputies would even be better.  Good luck to you. 

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    you could move out and offer your mom some rent money

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Are you sure you want to live in an apartment?

    I was thinking about it too to live in an apartment, but I realized renting an apartment won't be MY apartment, and I lost count of how many problems I seen people have living in an apartment.

    I will be spending around $1,500 to learn how to operate boats, and I am doing my own research as well. I am saving up to buy a boat, and items that I would need to be able to live on a boat. Because I want to live on a boat, and it will be mine. I also have a boat license, so I earned the right to live on a boat. I seen some problems people have living on a boat, and I am learning how to avoid some of it.

    For example:

    I seen a video of several boats that were near land, and they had anchors on the ground. Unfortunately the anchored boats were moved due to bad whether, and all of them hit each other, and then ended up on land damaged, and flipped side ways. The anchors were not dropped far enough, and several boats were close to each other, so some people ended up losing their boats.

    I seen another video of a boat trying to leave a marina slip, and ended up hitting another boat many times. I think this could have been avoided if whoever operated the boat has his, or her boat license, and boating lessons, and was knowledgeable enough to be able to operate a boat. I think the marina operator made a mistake to allow those people to put a boat at the marina. I didn't see anyone taking any responsibility, for that.

    I seen another video of a large yacht hitting several small boats at a marina. I am not sure why marina operators are allowing people to do this.

    I think certain problems can be prevented by either the person in command of the boat, or the marina operator.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    There is nothing to say here. Mom is just having an adult temper tantrum and will get over it after you leave in very little time. Let her pout and don't let her bait you into unnecessary guilt. But once you leave, don't cut Mom out of your life. Keep in contact and invite her over to see your place. She is afraid of losing you but needs to realize you moving on won't serve to lose you completely. Good Luck and congrats.

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  • Merry
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    I have a 18yr old so I'm going to put my mum voice on - 

    So .. you'd rather pay someone you don't know $250 per week, pay all your own bills, cook & clean, wash & buy groceries then pay me $100 ? 

    This translates to - I feel used & taken for granted. I love you & don't want you to leave but seriously what more can I do? You'd pay a total strangers mortgage but won't help me at all? 

    Not very adult like maybe ... But the heart wants what the heart wants & doesn't always work that way. 

    Under my roof you follow my rules - Your mum wants to feel valued & respected. Sure, you are 23 but if you say you'll be home by 10pm and you're still not home by 11pm you may as well be 13 

    Your mum likes rules and predictability 

    If you really want to move out be honest and upfront with her - eg Mum I've found an apartment - it's time for me to be a bit more independent.

    But take her out (somewhere special & nice) tell her you love her, tell her that you hate fighting with her & let her know she is important to you - be honest with her but let her see this was not an easy decision for you but one that's about you growing up. The rest will sort itself out. 

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Your mother has an incredibly unhealthy attitude towards you being an adult.

    Instead of encouraging you to flourish she is trying to keep you down, I suspect she doesnt want you to leave.

    For your own sanity, you HAVE to. SIgn that lease, today.

    Prep for moving out and tell her a few days before you are due to move. Explain that you want a healthier relationship with her, but that clearly isnt going to happen when you live under the same roof and that once you are settled you will invite her over for lunch to see your new place, or out for coffee to catch up.

    Ensure you have ALL important paperwork out of the house BEFORE telling her anything

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Your mother has acted very inappropriately. It's good you have found an apartment near your workplace. Once you are settled in there, your mother is likely to overcome her issues and you'll be friends again.

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