Constantly arguing with my teenage daughter?
I'm a single dad, and have been for essentially her entire life. She's 14 now. What I don't get, is the arguing just to argue, on non-issues, or, what should be a non-issue. Asking her to do the dishes some nights turns into, " I'm not the help". Cleaning of the room is the same, tired, " Nobody but me will see it" fight.
I ground, I take away phone, laptop, only makes her scream louder.
I just don't want to argue, don't know what I do from here.
What can I do?
- AnnLv 74 weeks agoFavorite Answer
This is what happens with kids grow up. They are feeling their way into being independent creatures. What we as adults see as important is not important to kids, because they don't realize the consequences of what they do (or not). If you can live with what I'm about to suggest, then there might be some solutions. They're not immediate fixes, but they're repercussions for what happens when things don't get done. 1) She hates to do dishes: What if there's no food to clean up, because a meal wasn't cooked? Suggestion: You prepare only enough food for yourself,wash you own dish and leave it for her to figure out for herself. More extreme suggestion: Quit buying groceries and you eat out. She won't have any dishes to wash, because there's no need. If she gets hungry enough, it will resolve itself. 2) Not cleaning room: Close the door to her room. Don't include her laundry when you do yours. Don't clean her bathroom, either. Don't do anything for her. Let the dirty clothes pile up. Let the bathroom smell. Don't buy her new clothes or anything else. When others begin to void her because everything reeks, she may come around. When she begin to complain long and loud about how she's "mistreated", tell her, "Well, that's what happens when there's no help around. That's why it's important for people to work together to make a household work". Don't give in. You won't like it, but you can tolerate it. Try it for a month and see what happens. You won't be yelling at her. Do it calmly and methodically. She may get dramatic and threaten to run away or kill herself. That's when you know it's working, because she's not liking what's going on. Tell her that things can be nice and calm again when she decides to be a contributing member of the household, just like when people work together to make a business successful. everyone pulls their own load. Just keep smiling, dad. It won't last forever, and you might gain some serious respect in her eyes.Source(s): licensed professional counselor/licensed specialist in school psychology
- 4 weeks ago
A person’s associates can be a powerful influence, either for good or for bad: "The one walking with the wise will become wise, but the one who has dealings with the stupid will fare badly." - Proverbs 13:20
But there are other factors to consider:
1. Your teenage daughter may simply be trying out her newly discovered reasoning skills, and she may not be that committed to her viewpoint at all. Children tend to think in black-and-white terms. In contrast, adults are more likely to consider the ethical issues behind a matter and think about how their actions will affect others. They may be used to thinking that way. Teenagers are new to the process.
A word of caution: When reasoning with your teenager, do not think that you have to have the last word. Even if what you say seems to fall on deaf ears, your teenager will probably take away more from the discussion than you expect.
2. Your teenager is in the process of forming an identity. Instead of getting embroiled in an argument, simply restate his position. (“Let me make sure I understand. You’re saying that . . .”) Then, ask questions. (“What makes you feel that way?” or “What led you to that conclusion?”) Draw out your teenager. Let your daughter express her convictions. If the difference of opinion is just a matter of preference and not an issue of right and wrong, show your teenager that you can respect his viewpoint—even if you do not fully agree with it.
3. Stay firm. Teenagers are less likely to argue with you when they know that you are consistent. At the same time, be flexible and reasonable. Let your teenager explain, for example, why she feels that her curfew should be adjusted in a particular instance.Source(s): shorturl.at/bIJS0
- JaneLv 74 weeks ago
Choose your battles, as you are now dealing with a young adult, not a child. Your number one priority is to keep your communication open with her. For example, rather than driving her away with details like her room, make sure you have dad/daughter time where you keep the connection going rather than fighting.She has a load of worries going on that you need to be aware of and support her on- at her age she will be concerned with relationships with her peers, her sexuality, education and life goals, climate change, drugs and alcohol, mental health etc. If you are not there for her as an adult and parent, she may not have anyone solid to trust and talk to.
Stop arguing and start listening.
- KellyLv 74 weeks ago
That's the nature of the teenage beast, regardless of gender.
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- Anonymous4 weeks ago
I'd get out your belt, and show it to her, and make her aware of what you will do with it if she doesn't knock off her attitude and start showing you some respect. And then I'd follow through. She's not too old for a few sharp swats on her butt when she mouths off or refuses to do as she's told. And it might just make her realize that you're serious when you say NO to something that she wants, and that arguing will get her nowhere quick.
Another thing- when your daughter tries to argue, DON'T RESPOND. The more you respond to what she does, the more you send the message that she can do that and get by with it. This "I'm not the help" sh*t needs to stop, and if I had been doing that at her age, it would likely have earned me a broken JAW. I'm not advocating that, but I do think you need to be a lot more forceful when it comes to discipline.
- Anonymous4 weeks ago
Try taking away her food. Say to her I won't feed you anymore until you do your chores. Put a steel chain around your fridge, and put a good lock on the steel chain. What you are doing is taking away her belongings, so that would make her angry, but when she realizes that she has no food then she will starve, so you could give her an option. You can say if you do your chores then I will unlock the lock, and remove the chain then I will allow you to eat something from my fridge, or you can starve. She can scream all she wants at this point, but the more energy she uses by doing other stuff then she will become hungry quicker.
Whatever you do don't unlock your fridge until she does her chores. I assume she knows how to do her chores, so I suggest you don't do her chores anymore. I suggest you buy yourself cooked meals somewhere outside. If she has any money then I suggest you take it all from her until she does something with her life to earn it.
I suggest you give her back her phone, and laptop, but don't give her any food until she earns it.
I know, for a fact that food is more important than phones, and laptops, so you would be putting her in a much worse position if you were to take away food. If someone were to take away my food then I probably would start to cry. Because if I don't eat then I would starve to death.
I wonder how her reaction would be if you were to take away her food. It's not like she would be able to continue to scream at you. Because I think she would be more concerned about her hunger than screaming. She probably will get weaker by not eating, so I don't think she would be able to keep up her screaming.
If she were my daughter then I would stay with her until she does her chores. I would home school her. I would also give her extra work to do. I would not feed her until she earns it, so I would be able to keep an eye on her, for a longer period of time.
Lastly I don't know if you have a scale that measures weight. I think she might try to get food from somewhere else, and that's if you are not keeping an eye on her. By her not eating then you would be able to see that just by her putting her two feet on a scale. The number on the scale should decrease, and that's how you would know that she is not eating from your fridge, or someone else's fridge.
- Ace ShortyLv 74 weeks ago
I would tell her if she screams again I am going to tie your mouth shut and I would do it. Ask her if she would rather live at CPS because that is the only place I can see that might be able to handle you.Do you not have a dishwasher? Tell her the screaming has to stop or you are going to put a sock in her mouth and tie it shut. I know it sounds harsh but she is going to have to behave or else she has to go to CPS. Get her phone and laptop and hide them where she can't find them, her friends are probably feeding her fire.
- ButterflywingsLv 64 weeks ago
You can’t give up in disciplining her. Keep being persistent ,and forceful but kind . She needs to learn that growing up means being more responsible. If she wants to have a car for instance in a few years, she also needs to be disciplined. She needs to learn the rules and be obedient to road signs. If she wants a job, she is expected to keep her workspace clean and be respectful towards others and work hard. She is 14 and just gone into the teenager stage. There’s a lot to learn and it is very common for teenagers to resist and rebel . It can be tiresome to be persistent and not give up , but it is worth it in the end. If you are persistent and don’t give up she will get the message and do what you ask her to do. Doing things together, like one washing the other drying and putting it away is sometimes a solution. When she screams, don’t scream back , but stay calm . When things calm down and she’s in a good mood, calmly speak to her. Yo7 could say. I really like it when you speak to me calmly without raising your voice. I feel like you are more grown up and I feel proud of you. Commend her and point out the good things she does. Keep on encouraging but also be persistent in making her do her jobs . It is all part of growing up and one day she will be grateful and bring up her children the way you brought her up.
- 4 weeks ago
Don't force her to do dishes or clean her room. Normally people even have to get paid to do work! But I do see, and smell, the other room!.
- EvaLv 74 weeks ago
On the dishes, tell her you aren't the help either and if she would like to start preparing her own meals and doing her own laundry, you'll be glad to allow it. Let the room thing go as long as she doesn't spill over to other areas of the house. Just shut the door and don't look at it. She'll clean it if she wants to have friends over.
- Anonymous4 weeks ago
Then stop arguing. Put your foot down, refuse to argue.
If she refuses to do the dishes then let them pile up. Let her see that she is part of the household and if she dirties the dishes she has to help clean them too. Once she can't find cups or plates she may help.
If she refuses to clean her room give her a formal warning that she is she doesn't do then she will lose her bedroom door. Her room is a privilege and if she can't take care of it then she will start to lose privileges. If taking her door doesn't help get garbage bags and pack up everything except her bed, desk, dresser, clothes and school supplies. Everything else goes into storage. Trust me I had to only do this once for my kids and they got the idea.
When she screams, yells, talks back go deaf. Do not reply or respond. My kids learned as preschoolers that I don't hear whining, screaming or fussing. If they can't talk in a respectful calm voice then we don't talk at all.