Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 4 weeks ago

Friend picks very expensive restaurants for her birthday but gets upset if I decline? ?

One year she decided on Dave and Busters following Cheesecake Factory. That year I was living alone for the first time in my life and I was on a very tight budget. She accused me of just not wanting to go. I couldn’t afford it.

The next year I actually hosted a small party for her. Bought her a cake with her favorite colors. But she later complained because we “didn’t go out to eat where she wanted.” Last year my fiancé and I actually agreed to join. But we were teased relentlessly because we shared a meal and dessert to save money. She made comments  like “ugh, no thank you. I would not share with my significant other. Get your own dinner bud.” Her friends snickered in agreeance. I proudly stated I enjoyed sharing and gave him a peck on the cheek. (It irked me she acted like that.) This year she picked an extremely expensive restaurant. The first ten dinners on the menu are $50-$75. I could maybe get a salad or an appetizer for my dinner but even those are no less than $15-$25. If I wanted to actually eat and have a drink, I wouldn’t leave there without spending less than $50. Plus she wants to go bar hopping after. Obviously I very politely declined. And made sure to sincerely thank her for the invite. But I cannot afford it. And we’re trying to save for a wedding. Well she completely ignored me. Am I wrong to think you cannot get upset if you choose really expensive places for your birthday but people have to decline because they cannot afford you? 

Update:

Okay, Mandy. *Agreement*.

9 Answers

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  • Chanel
    Lv 6
    3 weeks ago

    She should like you for yourself whether that is you being rich or poor.

    Don't be manipulated by this person.

    I have heard many people say that you know who your friends are if you lose your money and become poor.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Yes you are wrong to think that, because obviously she CAN get upset, which is obvious because she ALREADY IS upset. But her upset feelings are not your problem, they are her problem. Don't give it a second thought.

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    I would reevaluate the friendship definitely. I would make a pros and cons mentally or on paper over things she's said/did over the years and consider if the friendship is worth saving.To me it seems like she disregards your financial situation and makes you feel bad about it but at the same time you also don't have to accept the invitation when she tells you that its going to be at an expensive restaurant. Also has she ever offered to help you or have you looked up discounts/coupons to these expensive places? She doesn't seem to appreciate your efforts when you threw her a bday bash so that would have been the last time I would've done that. What has she done for you? The friendship seems a little one sided. She can choose to celebrate her bday at expensive restaurants but if she knows that you're financially strapped, it doesn't make sense to be upset when you can't go. Do you want to be continuously treated and made to feel like you're not good enough? It's honestly up to you. 

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  • Edna
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    If she is throwing a birthday celebration for herself in an expensive restaurant and invites her friends to join her, then SHE is expected to pay for her friends' meals.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Her demands are ridiculous for YOU. She has other friends who can drop $125 on dinner, drinks and partying with their friends. So she'll party with them. It is what it is. Her nose being out of joint about it is her choice. Send her a card. If "her friends" aren't your friends too..... eh, a card is a nice thing to do. Her lifestyle of choice is out of your financial ball park. That's just how it is. I have friends who make 4x's my income and I don't party with them much either. The difference is that they don't expect me to. We meet for coffee or a glass of wine. But I know they are out keeping the restaurants and clubs open. They fly business class. Someone has to!

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  • drip
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    So she has a history of belittling you. She makes fun and humiliated you in public.   So why are you still friends with her? Tell her point blank your budget doesn’t allow for this expensive. And you would appreciate it if she would not condemn you for it. Sorry but I can not attend.   

    If she is upset that is her right. If she is mad that is her right. 

    Talk to her!  let her know how you feel about her making fun of you. Ask her why she feels she needs to belittle you because of your finances.  

    What does she do the rest of the year. How is the rest of your relationship? 

    Should you continue with her? 

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    No. Not wrong.

    But... you ARE guilty for spoiling her rotten and not confronting her about it.

    🥴 My sister used to go all out for her friends like this, x's 3. They still love her for it. But as the visits became minimal, so did the contact.

    They loved her, but more so for her cash contributions and sacrifice. I've had the same experience but wasn't THAT generous for this mere reason.

    Cut ties if you have to but if you truly love this girl, be honest with her. Clear. Straight forward. Blunt.

    She needs to fully understand where you're coming from. And will respect you for the tough love.

    To me... this kind of sounds like she's wanting you to prove how much you're willing to sacrifice for her and she's slightly jealous of your relationship with your boyfriend. Like... you're replacing her.

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    There is actually an episode about this issue on the tv show Friends. You need to be honest and upfront with her. Let her know you don't make enough money to go out to eat like that. Be firm and apologize.

    My family actually has some family that is like this. When they come to visit every single meal had to be eaten out. One of them is very insulted if I even suggested fixing breakfast or supper. She is on vacation and she says she will eat out if she wants to eat out. So when asked why we don't come to visit I have to say honestly we can't afford to eat all the meals out. When they come to visit which is rarely we have to be firm and make it clear we can't afford all meals to be eaten at restaurants. It's very different when you are paying for one or two people not 5 including children.

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  • Mandy
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    There is no word “agreeance”.  They snickered in agreement.  Or you can simply say they agreed.  I am not sure of your question, but you do not have to accept an invitation to somewhere you cannot afford.  You do not even have to tell why it is you are not accepting.  You are under no obligation.  

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