Is it right for me to not talk to my nan for this?
I found out months ago that my grandmother's boyfriend's abused my dad. My nan knew and neglected my father. Growing up she was really cutting towards me and was the cause of me nearly going blind due to her stupidity. My Father has forgiven her but I can't here to talk to her and I feel like saying how I feel and letting manipulative people like her out my life before the new year.
- FoofaLv 710 months ago
It would seem here that since your father's forgiven her that his feelings need to be taken into consideration. If it would upset him for you to excommunicate Gran you shouldn't do it. This is his battle to fight and apparently he's chosen the tactic of turning the other cheek. So don't undermine the emotional progress he's made in an attempt to defend him against something he doesn't want to be defended against.
- Serene ELv 710 months ago
I think something that happened decades ago should be forgotten about.
- LindaLv 710 months ago
Wow! Your dad was abused by his grandma's boyfriend. That's awful. That she knew about it and did nothing is deplorable. She almost caused your blindness? Whoa! Unbelievable! I don't blame you for wanting to cut her out. She sounds unstable. If she never owned up to her past mistakes and you feel by being around her it makes you feel uneasy, then maybe you shouldn't. Only you can answer that based on how she is now and if she ever owned up to her past. I cut out my sister and I feel good about my situation going forward into 2020. You can too.
- TealLv 710 months ago
She treats you badly and hasn't done anything to change her behavior or atone for the harm she caused you personally. It is reasonable to distance yourself from her. You don't owe her anything just because she is family. But she still has a relationship with your father and it's likely you will have to see her at family events. You don't need to have a big confrontation or tell her you are cutting ties, you can just ghost her and do the minimum to be civil when you need to see her.
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- PearlLv 710 months ago
thats up to you if you want to talk to her or not
- linkus86Lv 710 months ago
What if your father discovers something bad you did when you were younger and decides to stop talking to you ever again. Is that reasonable for him to do? He would be ending the possibility of allowing you to apologize or explain the whole story to you. I mean after all what ever happened might have been out of your power to change. But if he won't talk to you, you can't get him to understand. That is what you are planning to do to your grandmother.
Criminals even get a chance to explain things when accused and possible found innocent because everyone doesn't have all the facts. They don't go from accusation to execution. That is what you are doing and its not fair to ANYONE in the family including you.
- Coach SimonLv 710 months ago
I doubt that you know the whole story - both sides, for example. You r father was the one who suffered and he has been forgiving; why not follow his wise example?