Why do moms treat their kids as dress up dolls?

My mother forced me to gel my hair in middle school for 2 years when i was 10, and would make me undress and redress in the morning because "my clothes dont match" (im a heterosexual colorblind male, i dont care). Talking to other guys their mothers treated many of them similarly. Do all mothers in some form see their kids as something to decorate instead people with their own ideas and desries?

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  • 2 months ago

    It goes both ways. I love to dress up my two year old, but she is particular about her clothes AND about mine.

    "No brown shoes, Mommy ...black boots." She doesn't want to leave the house until I look the way she wants me to.

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  • 2 months ago

    Your mother was/is an abusive narcissist. cut all ties with her. this is NOT normal mother behavior. it's abuse.

    https://www.lifehack.org/571802/signs-narcissistic...

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  • edward
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You can have your own ideas when your poor choices don’t reflect poorly on them

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  • GB
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Up to the age of 11, my mother would put my clothes out for the next day, and the only modification I'd make was whether to wear a cardigan , depending on the weather. I appreciated being able to choose what to wear, but  had never given clothes a second thought when Mum chose. She insisted on me having short hair, until I was old enough to look after long hair by myself, which I thought was sensible.

    Money was tight when I was growing up, so Mum learnt to budget carefully for our clothes. She said 'while I am paying for your clothes, you wear what I buy.'

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  • 2 months ago

    It's one thing to want your kids to look presentable, after all it shows that they're being taken care of but the mis match thing is going a little overboard. Yeah you should care about your appearance to some extent such as wearing things that are in good condition and being well groomed but it doesn't really matter if your clothes match or not because that doesn't affect your hygiene or anything. This would also depend on the occasion and the clothes themselves,  if the clothing itself is inappropriate for the occasion or it looks tacky then your mom is definitely right but if not then I wouldn't mind if the clothes don't match as long as they're appropriate for the weather and doesn't look tacky because your mom probably just doesn't want you to leave the house looking like a fool. As for her making you wear hair gel well that's a waste of money unless you really need it.

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  • 2 months ago

    In a sense, yes.  But you know how at times your mother embarrasses you?  That embarrassment is sometimes felt by what you do too.  Parents try to get their kids to present themselves well because, whether they like it or not, kids are representatives of their parents.  So a kid who doesn't care that wears clothes that doesn't match, or one that wear clothes that are dirty or smelly will be seen as having BAD parents.  It is not that your parents are playing a dress up doll game, it is just that they are trying to make you look good and in turn make them look good too.

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I don't have rules for my sons' hair other than that it has to be presentable. Which can be long (but well groomed), short, with (actually a hassle) or without product.

    I do make sure their clothes match. That the colours/styles of different pieces of clothing match each other, and that the entire outfit matches the occasion.

    I don't do this because I am treating them as dress-up dolls (it would actually be far easier to just not bother) but because I am teaching them to be part of civilization. So that by the time they are responsible for their own clothes, they actually know what is and isn't considered appropriate.

    If by then they want to make different choices, that's fine. But they first need to know what's considered appropriate to be able to make that choice. If you don't know what attire is considered appropriate in which circumstances, it's not a choice, but merely ignorance.

    My parents actually didn't teach me this. As a teenager, I didn't have a clue. I wore white socks in black shoes because I thought plain white socks were inconspicuous. I wore something that mostly resembled a red pair of pajamas with a wide purple belt because I liked the colour combination, and then took off the belt and tucked in the shirt when I noticed I was being laughed at. I wore an actual ball gown (sewed by my grandmother) to the high school Christmas ball because I just didn't know people wore more contemporary and less formal evening wear to that event.

    All of that could have been okay as fashion statements, but all I wanted was to blend in. And I didn't know how. I want my kids to know how. Then at least if they don't (which I applaud) it will be by choice, not by accident. 

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    • Charlie2 months agoReport

      So yeah I do agree that kids should be taught to care about appearances to some extent but they should still have a little bit of freedom.

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  • Kaz
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    I've never noticed that when kids are older - especially in middle school.  If there were an event or it was picture day, then yeah, a mom would want their kid to be presentable and look their best.

    (Unless the mom is a total control freak).

  • 2 months ago

    They want you to look presentable and like they have taken good care of you. In a way, you represent them. In the future when you are or were to have a job you would know how to look nice. Of course there are some moms who think their children are things to be decorated... be glad you aren't a girl. Also be glad you aren't a girl who has to enter a beauty pageant.

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    • LizB
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      At most schools girls have more arbitrary dress code rules they have to abide by than boys do, so yeah, be glad no one was ever checking your shorts length or strap width or obsessing over whether a faint glimpse of your underwear might have been showing.

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  • 2 months ago

    My assumption would be that your mother is dressing you up to make yourself look presentable. You are not just dressing up for yourself in the morning. You are representing your parents as well. Other kids and even teachers will assume what kind of parents you have based on the way you dressed.

    • Ethan2 months agoReport

      That makes sense. Thanks for the input!

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