Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 8 months ago

His parents don’t approve of me. Should I break up with my boyfriend? ?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 4 years. We never broke up before. We are considering on moving in together to an apartment next year. 

Everything has been great and I truly believe he is the one for me. 

I can’t marry someone who I believe his family is not 100% approving of me. 

1. It took over 3 years for me to meet my boyfriends extended family. While it took his sisters boyfriend 2 months of dating to meet them. His parents met me a year before we started dating and his parents boyfriend never met his sisters boyfriend until they started dating. My boyfriend had to advocate for me to his extended family but his mother did not want me to meet them. It wasn’t until for his birthday, he asked for his present to me for me to meet his extended family. In which that point of time, we were dating for a little longer than 3 years. My boyfriend said the reason why his sisters boyfriend met the family so early was because his mom said of his sisters eating disorder. My boyfriend never understood why that was the reason. 

2. Group chat. I remember his older sister came over the house with her boyfriend. We were going to go out to dinner and they kept referencing this group chat and the jokes made in it. 

I’m Hispanic and he is white. I work at a Fortune 500 company, graduated valedictorian of my college class, I am finishing up my Masters and founded my own start up. 

Not sure what to do. I want to talk to him about it but not sure how to approach the situation. 

5 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    If you see a future with this guy you'll go on a charm offensive to win his family over. Could be his sister is just indulged. Could be they've got some form of ethnic bigotry going on. But unless they're maniacs someone with your educational and occupational bona fides would be most people's dream daughter-in-law. So go make them love you.

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  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    Yes you can marry 

    Other people’s approval Is irrelevant 

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  • Min
    Lv 4
    8 months ago

    Having difficult in-laws are always tricky. My other half's family are full of very strong personalities and in a way difficult. They DO like me thoe so that does make it easy but I could see how you feel. I would just keep in mind that you are with him for him not for his family. Sure you'd have to be around his family from time to time but ultimately you are with HIM not his family.

    Sure there are people who get lucky with a partner that has a great family but then there are those who aren't as lucky. So what if his parents don't approve of you? You don't have to like them but respect that they are his parents. I would just say it WOULD be a deal breaker for me if he disrespected me around them and ALLOWED them to be mean to me. THAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT. As parents thoe, even if they don't approve they should respect his choices.

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  • 8 months ago

    Dating four years but don't know each other well enough to have this important discussion?  We can only really speculate about his family, but you seem to be something of a high flier, and if he is not - in a relatively menial, low paid job, for example, they may be concerned that it won't last and he will be hurt. Family is important, of course, but he IS an adult, presumably. 

    We fall madly in love, don’t we, thinking (feeling rather) that it will last forever and is enough for a serious relationship. However, it’s very hard to live on an emotional high for very long. Eventually we start to come down from the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, typically after around 18 months to three years (people vary of course). If couples are friends, discuss their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. If one party feels insecure or low in self respect, it can make for a difficult partnership. It's easy to behave at our best when in love, but marriage, for example, requires a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility. If a strong friendship is not in place, the relationship will probably peter out eventually - or worse. Quite often we fall in love because we are lonely and allow ourselves to be won over by anyone who takes an interest in us. Thus we give away control to somebody else if we are not careful. This is another reason for taking things very slowly, and really getting to know someone before committing ourselves or getting too emotionally or sexually involved. Sex can be emotionally bonding, which is disastrous if the other things are not there: strong friendship, similar values and standards, common interests, etc.  

    Good Luck!

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  • 8 months ago

    I had similair problems. My boyfriend and I have been living happily together for 2 years. But this is because he chose me. He clearly stated that if his family does not accept me, he does not want any contact. We had our ups and downs with interacting with his family but because I know i got his support 100% we get through it.

    His family would still wish someone of his own race but they act nice now.

    Because his family told me straight up, they did not want me to be with him, we had to talk about it and it was never just a feeling.

    I can only look at my own situation. I had to accept that his family will never fully accept me and that is gonna keep hurting. But we always communicate about the situation and he will stand beside me. We even talked about not seeing his family. I would never keep him away but I did seriously consider not seeing them myself.

     good luck! I hope you find a way to work trough this.

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