What do I say to my grieving husband- he lost his father?

My husband of 16 years just lost his hero of a father. I’m not familiar with death, so that alone, upsets me- but our situation has a few extra complications. 

First, my husband and I have been separated for many years. While we both still love each other, we have had a very tumultuous relationship and have never been able to make it work... although last year, we tried again and I become pregnant with our fourth child. Soon after, my husband became involved with another woman and quickly grew vile towards me causing a rift in his family. Their relationship is very toxic but they’re still holding on. At one point, I was only to speak to my husband when strictly about the children- that was, until his father just died four days ago. 

Secondly, my husband is bipolar and I have depression. This is probably the root of our relationship problems in the past.  However, we’re both 35 now. While I have done a lot of growing and forgiving- he has not. He’s stuck in the past and can’t let go of the pain- making him guarded and mean. 

The final complication is that my husband is an over-the-road truck driver. While my husband prefers physical comfort over words, no one is able to provide that to him since he’s not here. 

What do I do? How do I comfort? He’s becoming quieter and quieter. I want to annoy him. I want him to talk. I want him to feel safe. Do I keep texting him updates and what nots, even if he doesn’t respond? Please help!

2 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    7 months ago

    Your husband's job probably doesn't allow him the time he needs to treat his mental illness. So in a perfect world he'd find another way to earn a living so he could pay more attention to his treatment. But in terms of his recent loss all you can really do is offer your condolences and keep an eye on him to make sure he's still taking his meds and attending his doctor appointments.

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  • 7 months ago

    What's wrong with "I'm here for you, whatever you need darling"?

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