Should I have children, or is my Mother right?

So, I'm a 21 year old woman and I've loved children all my life. I've been a daycare teacher for some time now, I'm in college for Early Childhood Education, and I plan on becoming a middle school and high school teacher later on after I get my degree. Children bring me so much joy and happiness, even when they're screaming their heads off and I want to pull my hair out.

My 20 year old brother had my niece a few months ago. Him and his wife got married when he was 18 and she was 19 for the benefits (he's military). They live in Texas (me and my family in GA) and my Mother often complains how she'll never have a relationship with her grandchildren.

Well, today I mentioned to her that she shouldn't worry, because she'll have a relationship with my children since I don't plan on moving out of state. She came back with the response "You're not having kids." I was kind of taken aback by her comment and I asked her why. Her response was "Because you don't need them. You wouldn't be able to handle any kids. You're too spacy and you'd be the Momma that leaves her kids in the car." I didn't know what to say, I was shocked, and then she said, 

"You're just not having kids. You don't need them."

I've thought my whole life that I was meant to be a mother. I just can't believe she would say. Yes, I have a goofy personality, and I've known to be forgetful and clumsy and whatnot, but does that really mean I'm not meant to be a mother?

9 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    10 months ago
    Favourite answer

    This might sound strange, but are you sure your mom was serious? I ask because I'm the same way (sort of goofy and clumsy) and people have said things like this to me my whole life (including my parents). That comment about leaving kids in the car sounds like a bad attempt to make a joke.

    Either way, though, your mom doesn't get a vote on whether you have kids or not. You sound like someone who has always wanted them, and this usually means you'd pick a great dad and be a great mom. As you get through college and get out on your own, you'll start to see that you can always get mom's input on things, but you'll be an independent young woman who doesn't have to pay the slightest attention to her opinions.

  • Hannah
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    If your mother was just saying you shouldn't have kids right now, that would be understandable, since you are still young, and it sounds like you aren't married or in a stable relationship. But I think it was pretty rude of her to say you should never have them and that you'd be a bad parent. But that's really not up to her, anyway.

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    having children is a big responsibility looking after children apart of your job has triggered this fantasy in your mind about being a parent its not all fun and games 

  • John P
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    At long distance nobody can say who is "right". But if you are 21 you are legally an adult in any country that I know of, so you can make your own decisions.

    Just remember that having the care of children for a few hours as a teacher is not the same as for 24 hours - all those sleepless nights!

    But I am definitely on your side, your mother might raise doubts, but she is a very unsupportive mother if she tells you point blank not to have children. Do you live at home? Is your mother worried about having to give childcare when you are at work?

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  • 10 months ago

    If your mother still has influence on whether or not you have children, you are not ready for children.

  • 10 months ago

    I wouldn't take parenting advice from someone who would say such things to their child. Trust in your heart, it would suck to follow the advise of someone else and go against your own heart, and come to regret that choice later. Your mom may have many great qualities, but it doesn't sound like motherly advice is one of them. Appreciate the things she does well, and ignore her advice. Parents are just people, and people are flawed. Live the life you want.

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    Your mom has issues. You may have to distance yourself from those issues. Only you know what's good for you. IMO, it sounds like your mother needs some therapy to get over whatever her issues are. In the meantime, you need to trust your own instincts here and not allow her negativity to influence your decision one way or the other.

  • 10 months ago

    Confident adults who are ready to be parents make decisions confidently.

    When you can confidently make a decision about being a mother, and are married and financially able to care for a child, you will know you are ready to parent.

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    Does your husband want children??

    Asking random online strangers means you are still very immature to be a parent.

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