How can I leave this relationship?

Basically, I have been back with my ex husband for a couple of years. The relationship is going no where. But he seems to have this hold over me, and I am finding it very difficult to leave him - I did it before, but ended up coming back. He can be manipulative and controlling and talks to me like dirt to be honest. But he can also be very nice. Sometimes you can not fix something thats been broke for too long. I have a hard time talking to him about things, so much so, I have given up telling him things as he shoots me down all the time. So now its easier to keep quiet. I have actually now gone as far as getting my own place which I love. He does not know about this, I spend my time between the two - telling him I am working away etc. Financially this is putting a real strain on me, I am paying my own bills, but then he expects me to pay half for his place also. I just cant talk to him about anything. I am putting his needs in front of my own all because I am scared and don't know what to do. I feel guilty thats the problem. Has anyone been in a simular situation before? I hardly see friends and family because he doesnt like it, he expects me to be with him all the time. If I want to go out, I have to give him notice.....then he will just make digs at me, like I left him on his own etc.....this is not the life I want, but i am too scared to deal with it, I need some advice. I tried leaving a note the first time, this didnt work. I dont know what to do for the best.

5 Answers

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  • Hypnos
    Lv 4
    9 months ago

    If you're not happy in the relationship, no one is forcing you to stay. He can't make you do anything. At the end of the day your priority in life should always be your happiness and if you're in a situation that doesn't make you happy, then the logical thing to do is leave that situation. Everyone has parts of them that are nice, but that doesn't make up for all the mistakes they've made, especially if those mistakes outweigh the good times. You've already set yourself up outside of a relationship with him, you're already half way there, so even if you leave you won't be left with nothing, because you have something, your own space and that space makes you happy, so make that your home. As they say, a house is only a home if you make it one, and if he doesn't feel like home then he shouldn't be a part of your life. He can't hurt you if he's no longer in your life, remember that. I had a toxic boyfriend before and he tried to take me away from my family and friends, he isolated me, belittled the things I wanted to do and achieve in life. I was never good enough. I learnt a lot about my worth from that relationship so I don't regret it, but I do regret not ending it myself. I got to the point where I had enough and let him talk me out of it only to be dumped a week later. I hate that I gave him that power but it's not something I can change. So I can only hope that someone else in a similar situation will have the strength to let things go when they know it's not working, and not back down no matter what their partner says.

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  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    And why are you scared? If you don't mind me asking. Is he a physical abuser or something?

    • Sue9 months agoReport

      Not physical no. Verbal

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  • 9 months ago

    You have one foot out the door already. The fact that you mention that he can be nice after all the negatives suggest that somewhere within you is the unrealistic hope that he will change to that nice person. I could be wrong but I don't think I am. The best thing you could do is to pack what you can and move to your place,Get a new phone number and stay off social media and move on with your life. You say the one you are currently living is not the one you want so do something about it. As for feeling guilty I can't understand why. Any rational person would see that he has been doing everything to drive you away and yet you have CHOSEN to stay. After you move out, get some therapy to uncover why you were thinking this way so you won't repeat it!

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  • Logan
    Lv 5
    9 months ago

    You really just have to walk out the door and never return. Block his number, block his social media, don't contact anyone connected to him to avoid falling to pressure to get back with him.

    It's not as complicated as you think it is. You don't like it there, you don't like him. Imagine for a moment, that he is not your ex-husband. The rest of the situation is still there. You don't like where you are, you don't like who you're with and you decide to leave and you think nothing of it.

    He's not your husband anymore. You don't owe him anything. You do, however, owe yourself happiness so I guess it's time to settle that debt.

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  • 9 months ago

    you have to detach from the drama

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