Obsessional thinking stopping me from sleeping!?
I am a 26 year old female and I was diagnosed with OCD in year 2.
My boyfriend and I dated for 3 months before making it official. During those 3 months I fooled around with a male friend. I convinced myself I had cheated and told my boyfriend. He said it wasn’t cheating and he didn’t care. However the thought I cheated didn’t leave. I obsessed about it constantly and had compulsions as well.
My boyfriend and I decided to move out and then a new thought popped into my head. I had betrayed my friend (my friends ex) (I only see her at group gatherings). I wanted to get reassurance that she didn’t hate me but I couldn’t tell her as it wasn’t my business to tell and it would have caused more issues between her and my male friend. I also knew it was a compulsion and wouldn’t make me feel any better to get reassurance.
So I moved out (first time with my first serious bf) and the thoughts have been as follows for months now
- I don’t deserve to be in a relationship
- I am going to hell for cheating
- I am going to get karma for being a **** friend
- This karma will involve my family dying, my future kids dying or the consequence of something **** happening in the world if I have kids
- That I’m having anxiety and these thoughts because I want to break up with my boyfriend deep down
- That the only way I can prevent things happening is to break up with him