My mother may be dying.. What do I do now?

My mother is in the hospital and may be dying. I haven t seen her or spoken to her in more than ten years. After a lifetime of trying to have a decent mother/daughter relationship with her, I finally had to cut her off because of the way she made me feel about myself. I have always longed to feel her love for me and it has effected every aspect of my life. What do I do now?

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  • 9 months ago

    People change on their deathbed.I’ve seen it.I have lost many friends and family.My Aunt came to terms with many regrets right before she passed.I helped her to tell her only daughter of the boy she had given up for adoption.After she passed my cousin found him! It is important to forgive for yourself and the dying have an inherent need to tie loose ends. Forgive so YOU do not carry the heavy burden anymore.Saying your peace with your Mother will be for you and only you.She may or may not give you the love you seek but YOU can give yourself the love you seek.Iknow exactly how you feel. I have been severely hurt time and again by my own Mom. I got to a point when I realized it was time to love the hurting little girl inside me.Mom was never going to do it the way I needed her to.Go see her.Make peace for yourself.Tell her you love her and you are sorry she couldn’t be the Mother you wanted her to be.Know that Behind ALL anger is Pain and that Love heals ALL.Many prayers for you.

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  • Ann
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    There are several questions to ask yourself: Did your mother cut you off, or did you cut her off? If it was the latter, did she ever try to contact you after you severed the relationship? If you have siblings, did she treat them the same way she behaved toward you, or were you the only object of her abuse? My mother was verbally and emotionally abusive to me, and then I discovered it was because my father had had an affair and then he named me after the girlfriend. My mother had no choice in the matter (this was before the days of easy divorces), and so every time she said my name, it was like a slap in the face to her. I was never close to her, but I did go see her when she was very old, ill, and at death's door. I didn't say anything, but she knew I was in the room. I just sat there quietly. That was enough. You're the only one who can decide in your heart what you feel you need to do.

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  • 9 months ago

    thats up to you but if shes dying, maybe you should go see her now so you dont regret it later

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  • zeno
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    Ease your conscience and spend a few days

    Worth her. Eventually death comes and there

    Is no way out. Enjoy your life while you have

    It and accept your death when it comes. No

    Fear or regret. Just appreciate the life and

    Experiences you where given. My cute little

    Chihuahua passed away this year and I gave

    Him all the fun I could but I wish I could have

    Done more for him. I had no idea he would

    Die at ten years. He was energetic and playful

    Until the last two or three days and then he

    Slowed down and I took him to the vet and

    They couldn't save him. I miss him. But that

    Is part of life. Losing lives you care about.

    • cutiepie
      Lv 4
      9 months agoReport

      I’m sorry for your loss. May he Rest In Peace 😭

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  • Pam
    Lv 6
    9 months ago

    Try forgiving her for whatever she has done to make you feel this way. If she dies, you will never have that chance. Go to see her if you can. I'm sure she would love to see her daughter. try to forgive even if you never forget.

    • cutiepie
      Lv 4
      9 months agoReport

      I agree with Pam

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  • 9 months ago

    Go see her......💛💛

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  • 9 months ago

    Let it be. I haven’t see the old man in over 20 years. He’s in bad health. IDGAF. The next time I see him might be at his funeral, if I decide to go. He was abusive all through my life until I left after college.

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  • 9 months ago

    I am in the same situation, estranged from my abusive mother. I know in that situation I would not go to the hospital or even acknowledge that I know she is ill.

    You may want to read some Peg Streep, who writes extensively about daughters of abusive mothers.

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  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    it sounds like you would regret not seeing her in her final days, and this is something you won't get an opportunity to do again, I say go visit her so you don't regret not doing so latter, you probably won't end up regretting doing so

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  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    She cut you off, its best to leave her alone if she wont change. Sometimes in life you just gotta move on from bad relationships.....even if its your own mother

    • Dr. Stephanie
      Lv 7
      9 months agoReport

      It was the asker who cut her mother off, not the reverse.

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