I want to be a parent but don't think I could handle raising a child with severe special needs or autism?

I'm a single parent. I want to have a baby or adopt a child but I don't think I could handle raising a child who may have autism or serious special needs. I know most will say than I shouldn't be a parent at all if I'm not willing to do that. I've worked as a nanny for several families over the years all with autistic children and I've seen how hard it is and how expensive it is to get help. I couldn't afford it. But I do want to be a mother. Is there any way I could go about becoming a parent ensuring that I won't have this happen?


if I was married I wouldn't worry as much but as a single parent with no support system I feel that raising an autistic child by myself would be way too much to handle.

3 Answers

  • Pippin
    Lv 7
    9 months ago
    Favourite answer

    It would be technically possible to adopt from foster care and specify that you will only accept a child with no physical or neurological differences. But realistically, most children available from adoption from foster care will have SOME significant issues, if not present from birth, then the result of a dysfunctional early childhood and years in and out of foster care.

    And of course, there is no guarantee that a child won't develop a disability or 'special need' later. All it takes is one serious accident or illness, and you have a child who can't walk or can't see or is mentally disabled. A little bad luck and your child is diagnosed with leukemia or osteosarcoma or a brain tumor. Can you afford THAT? Can you handle THAT?

    Being a single parent is tough, and takes more money than if you were married. Is there some rush to become a parent NOW?

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  • 9 months ago

    If there was don't you think all people would do it???

    • Geneva9 months agoReport

      true good answer

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  • Suzy Q
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    You're not a single parent. You're single. Not a parent.

    And this is one of the reasons why aiming to be a single parent is a bad idea.

    No, I'm not saying couples should stay together 'for the children' no matter what. There are times when a child is better off with one loving stable parent than with two in a toxic and abusive relationship. And there are situations where it simply isn't a matter of choice. And a single parent definitely can be a great parent.

    But you said it yourself. You worry about raising a child without a partner and without a support system. SO DON'T. It's one thing to have single parenthood happen to you, and quite another to be so incredibly selfish to raise a child, without partner or support system, knowing about yourself that you can neither afford nor 'handle it' if at some point your child may have more needs than usual, ON PURPOSE.

    So don't. Wanting to be a mother isn't good enough if you can't or won't do what it takes to BE one. Hard stuff and all.

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    • Geneva9 months agoReport

      I have a supportive family and friends but no family in my state and my friends have many kids of their own. I couldn't ask for help I would need to pay for childcare and everything myself. A moderately healthy child I could do. One with severe problems, I admit would overwhelm me

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