Should I get a divorce? Or should I stay and work things out.?
I am at a crossroads now, and I don’t know what decision to take. I have posted questions pertaining to my failing marriage here several times. About my husband cheating on me and being emotionally abusive to me for a while. Us going to counseling, and his decision of divorce to try to get his way. Well he finally came clean and apologized and wants us to start new. We are still in counseling, but I’m gauging to see if he is doing it for the kids or because he really means it. So far he has not disappointed. But the person I am today is taking actions over words. and I have recently reconnected with an old friend who divorced a while ago. He was interested in me without me even knowing it. we have everything in common, our religion, love of family, our ways of thinking etc... things will be so much easier with him. But again you know the saying about the devil that you know, and the one you do not know. I know my husband I know what he lacks... and I see him making efforts. I won’t say it’s perfect but he is changing. This friend I only know him as a friend. not as a lover. And plus he lives in another state and is in the Air Force, so he is constantly moving. I don’t want to be getting a divorce and end up in a situation worse than what I already am. I know I will need time on my own after the divorce but I want to know should I consider his interest in me? Or is because of what I went through with my husband that I feel interested by him?
- BeatriceBattenLv 76 months agoFavorite Answer
You’re allowed to be done with your husband, even if he truly makes amends. Either stay and see if he (and you feelings) change for real, or just tell him you cannot get over his past wrongdoing and divorce. (And, really, I wouldn’t count on him magically changing from being an abusive cheater. That doesn’t happen overnight.)
Jumping right into a new relationship will just make things messier for you. If you divorce your husband, wait awhile before taking up with another guy.
- car253Lv 76 months ago
Absolutely correct. DO NOT go into a new relationship for a very, very long time if you divorce. Get counseling before starting any new relationship. And, do not go into a new relationship for a very, very long time or you will get even more screwed up, for you and everyone around you. Don't do it.
- 6 months ago
Have revenge sex with another woman.
- Anonymous6 months ago
yes you should divorce a man who's cheated on you.
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- 6 months ago
It looks like you both decided that you would work things out. The choice of forgiving your mate and continuing the marriage comes with the responsibility of working hard to rebuild your marital bond. Ephesians 4:32 says “But become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another just as God also by Christ freely forgave you.”
The decision to work on once marriage is viewed in a positive way by God since the Bible does not treat divorce casually. It states that God views as treacherous and hateful the frivolous putting away of one’s mate, perhaps with the motive of taking another spouse. Matthew 19:6 says “So that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has yoked together, let no man put apart.”
The Bible only allows for a married person to terminate his or her marital union on the grounds of a mate’s sexual immorality (Matthew 19:9). This means that after an act of infidelity, the innocent mate has the right to decide whether to remain with the unfaithful mate or to pursue a divorce. This is a personal decision (Galatians 6:5 “For each one will carry his own load”).
However, before making a hasty decision to end the marriage, contemplate. Divorce does not always end life’s anxieties. On the contrary, often it merely exchanges one set of problems for another. Important issues you need to think about before deciding on divorce are how this might affect finances, parenting (it might mean custody issues and single parenting), the effect of divorce on you, and the effect of divorce on the children.
- PatriciaLv 76 months ago
You're kidding right? You're actually considering jumping from the frying pan straight into the fire?
Make a decision about the marriage, get your life back together if you divorce (this takes a lot of time) and avoid new relationships.
Divorce is an emotional time of life, and making a decision about getting together with someone new isn't that bright. We don't have the best judgment during a divorce, nor for a while afterward. Truth.
- Anonymous6 months ago
doing everyone a favor
but divorce means let go of control over him... not one of those hold him back from a ex-wife chair
the main goal of MANY current divorced women is focus on destroying him and his connection with the children as well bleed him dry.. then complain he does not spend time or money on them
if you do this you will be alone your entire life even when you hook up with this old flame...
if you hook up with sir save the poor defenseless women you will either chase him off as he see all bitterness or he will be a wimp and not worth having
a self beneficent women deserves a decent man
but you have to be decent and self proficient. not a excuse making ex-wife blaming him for all the problems HALF of the fault is on you no matter what you tell people. If he is all that bad why did you marry him have children with him ? grasp the truth and move on.
FYI counseling does not fix anything,, you fix "your self" that is the only power you have
counseling just makes you feel better about the bad things and it cost too much and makes things worse
- 6 months ago
WHAT DOES YOUR GUT...HEART...SOLE...TELL U
- FoofaLv 76 months ago
It's not uncommon for people fleeing longterm relationships to feel like jumping straight into another romance is the safer bet, because they're not used to being alone and are afraid. But those rebound relationships rarely work out so if you're using this to make a divorce easier just know that it'll only postpone the lonely soul searching you're going to have to do at some point. Staying in a marriage "for the kids" isn't something to just dismiss because ultimately once you have kids your own personal happiness has to take the backseat.
- LoonaseeLv 46 months ago
You are asking online strangers answers to questions only you know the answer to.
Do you still love your husband? Does the idea of spending the rest of your life with him bring you joy and comfort or angst? Divorcing based on a possibility of connecting with an old friend is absurd, divorcing because you really don't love him anymore and would prefer to move on with your life is healthy.
If you do love him, do envision a life with him and he is making effort....seems like an easy answer, as long as his change is real and profound (as is yours, because it always takes two).
Again, only you can answer those questions.